About

Family psychologist John Rosemond answers parents' questions on his website at www.rosemond.com.

  • French parenting? That's good ol' American wisdom

    Last year, a Chinese-American Tiger Mother told American parents how to raise children who will make straight A's and play Carnegie Hall before they reach puberty. This year, the French are showing us how to raise children who will obey, throw few if any tantrums, and sit quietly in restaurants while adults talk about adult things. In a nutshell, French parents do such "revolutionary" things as establish early boundaries between themselves and their children, teach them proper manners, expec...

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    Feb. 27, 2012 | Permalink

  • Rehab for a 5-year-old's listening problems

    Q: My 5-year-old daughter is in "rehab" for some listening issues at school. When she comes home with a note from her teacher indicating one or more of these incidents at school, she is confined to her room for the rest of the day. What should I do if she is constantly calling me, wanting to ask me something, wanting me to get something for her, and so on? She isn't coming out of the room, but she is constantly trying to engage me. Since you didn't specify the nature of your daughter's "li...

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    Feb. 14, 2012 | Permalink

  • Rewards for good behavior ensure bad behavior

    The media recently reported "new" research findings to the effect that rewards often backfire and self-esteem is not the uplifting personal attribute once thought. As a result, schools are rethinking teaching and classroom management philosophies. In fact, though, research showing that rewards often backfire and revealing the dark side of self-esteem has been available for quite some time. This supposedly "new" stuff simply illustrates the disconnect between research and practice in American...

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    Feb. 07, 2012 | Permalink

  • Good manners = good life for kids

    Feelings have been the paramount consideration in raising children since the late 1960s, when parents became persuaded that they should no longer take their cues from their own upbringing, but from psychologists and other mental health professionals. As a consequence, the focus of American parenting veered sharply away from training the child's character and mind toward that of protecting his feelings from insult (i.e., disappointment, failure, embarrassment and other basic facts of life) and...

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    Feb. 01, 2012 | Permalink

  • No P.E. for this kindergartener?

    Q: According to his PE teacher (kindergarten), our son has recently started refusing to participate in class. He sits off to the side and pouts. She said he won't tell her what the problem is. This is a very active child who comes home and plays outside with other kids most of the afternoon. We tried to talk to him about it but like the teacher, got nowhere. What should we do? If your son has no difficulty making friends and enjoys being active, then the first thing to do is play Sherlock ...

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    Jan. 24, 2012 | Permalink

  • Heading off drama with your 8-year-old

    Q: Our oldest son, age 8, has recently started saying that he has no friends, no one likes him, he's no good at anything, and so on. None of this is true, mind you. He's a good kid who does well in school. We are at a loss as to where this is coming from. This has been going on for a couple of months. We've tried talking to him, and we've tried ignoring him. Nothing works. What should we do? This problem is more common than most people might think. It's an example of the fact that human be...

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    Jan. 17, 2012 | Permalink

  • Micromanage your good teen? Why?

    Q: Our 17-year-old daughter is an honor student who has been accepted to three colleges. She has not been a risk taker, except with boys. Her most recent boyfriend is a wonderful kid and very smart. Apparently, they both resent our rule that a parent must be home when either of them is visiting at the other one's home, but they've gone along with it, however reluctantly. We just found out that they've been texting about sneaking out in cars to be alone. What should we do? Your question, ho...

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    Jan. 11, 2012 | Permalink

  • Should you coax kids to eat?

    Q: Our 4-year-old daughter's weight (25 pounds) is at the first percentile for her age, but she is otherwise healthy, energetic, creative, polite and well-behaved. Our only real problem occurs at meals, during which she picks at and dawdles over her food. We end up coaxing her to finish, telling her how important it is for her to eat so she'll grow, and so on. Sometimes, she has been there so long we've taken her plate away, but we are reluctant to do that because we don't want her losing an...

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    Jan. 03, 2012 | Permalink

  • Undoing 21 years of overindulgence

    Q: My husband and I have micromanaged, spoiled, and enabled our 21-year-old son all his life. We paid a heavy price during his teen years. At this point, he is arrogant, immature and irresponsible. We realize the error of our ways, but our need to protect him from the consequences of his impulsivity and irresponsibility is so strong that we can’t seem to break the habit. On the positive side, he holds down a good job and is also going to college. Can you give us some advice? When I b...

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    Dec. 27, 2011 | Permalink

  • Say NO to teen's bad idea

    At an online source of parenting advice, a mother asked a female marriage and family therapist how to handle her eighth-grade daughter's announcement that she and her ninth-grade boyfriend have decided to "prove their love" by having sex. The mother says, "I don't think she's ready to have sex with this boy." Did you get that? Mom is not really sure whether her 14-year-old daughter is ready for sex. That's at least 50 percent of the problem. And believe me, this mom isn't alone in her c...

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    Dec. 20, 2011 | Permalink
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