About

Family psychologist John Rosemond answers parents' questions on his website at www.rosemond.com.

  • Who is doing the homework?

    With the advent of a new school year, it seems appropriate to tackle the issue of homework: more specifically, the question of how involved parents should be and how parents can limit their involvement to only what is necessary. As for the question of how involved parents should be, my unequivocal answer is “not much, if at all.” I am a member of the last generation of kids to do their own homework. We had to because our parents simply expected it of us. Furthermore, I distinctl...

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    Sep. 10, 2012 | Permalink

  • Clothing allowance for teen girls

    Q: My two teenage daughters, 13 and 15, are constantly begging me to buy them clothes. It’s become highly annoying. To stop the constant whining, I’ve decided to stop buying them any clothing and give them each an $800 annual clothing allowance. Should I give them the whole amount at once or give it to them on a monthly basis? This is a great idea! However, I don’t think an annual clothing allowance of $800 is a realistic amount for girls who are outgrowing their clothes eve...

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    Sep. 03, 2012 | Permalink

  • Limit 13-year-old's social-media time

    Q: Our 13-year-old daughter takes advanced classes and makes straight A’s. She’s also very talented musically. We think, however, that she has become a media addict. She spends too much time in her room on her computer, mostly using social media, or on her phone texting her friends. We’ve asked her to limit her use, but our words are falling on deaf ears. What approach would you recommend short of cutting off the Internet and taking away her phone? She needs a computer to do h...

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    Aug. 27, 2012 | Permalink

  • Anti-bullying education can wait

    Q: My oldest child starts kindergarten soon. I know there will be a class and/or bus bully who will cause her some distress, whether directly or indirectly. I want to know how to handle it before it happens so I’m prepared. I feel she will have to learn to handle situations like this as time goes on, but at this age she will need my guidance and intervention. What should I say to her now to prepare her, and how should I handle incidents when and if they occur? I most definitely and un...

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    Aug. 20, 2012 | Permalink

  • Flyswatter approach to discipline fails

    This is a reprint of a column that originally ran March 22, 2011.   The human desire for short-term gratification is getting stronger all the time as technology and fast food, among other things, deliver satisfaction in an instant. Because people are no longer accustomed to waiting patiently, they tend to become quickly frustrated when natural processes can’t be circumvented and they are forced to wait for a solution to “mature.” When that happens, people are inclined ...

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    Aug. 13, 2012 | Permalink

  • For good behavior, build character

    In the late 1960s, childrearing shifted from molding character to “shaping” behavior. Prior to this revolution, proper parenting was a matter of providing unconditional love and unequivocal leadership. Discipline was the process by which parents transformed the anti-social toddler into a pro-social human being who was respectful of legitimate authority as well as the rights of others, willing to accept responsibilities, and determined to overcome obstacles. These were character issu...

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    Aug. 06, 2012 | Permalink

  • Fair punishment; classroom discipline

    Q: My 21-month-old has started hitting. Whenever he hits his 4-year-old sister, I put him in his crib until he calms down. Recently, however, his sister has started hitting back. I don’t want her thinking that I go easier on him when it comes to discipline. How do I implement fair and effective punishment for the same offense for children of different ages? I sense that you’re over-thinking this situation. No matter how you discipline the two children when they get physical with ...

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    Jul. 23, 2012 | Permalink

  • Tot confused by conflicting discipline

    Q: My ex-husband has our 3-year-old son Thursday through Saturday every weekend. When I hand him over to his dad, he’s fairly well behaved, but when I get him back, he’s disrespectful and defiant. It takes a day or two to get him back on track. I work very hard to discipline consistently and it seems his dad unravels everything I accomplish. A. In the attempt to be fair to both adult parties, divorce court judges often make rulings that are distinctly unfair to children. The sort...

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    Jul. 16, 2012 | Permalink

  • ‘Terrible two’ needs Dutch door

    Q: When I ask him to do something, my 2-year-old screams “No!” and then swings at me. When he hits me, I firmly reprimand him and put him in time-out, but that only makes matters worse. I’ve tried ignoring his screaming. What should I do? It’s behavior of this sort – illogical, irrational, violent – that has given this age child such a bad reputation. Stories of this sort also belie the romantic notion that human nature is fundamentally good. I’ll just bet...

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    Jul. 10, 2012 | Permalink

  • Sibling bullying. Is it happening in your home?

    Q: The younger of my two boys, 10 years old, has started cutting himself when his 13-year-old brother picks on him. His older brother is also verbally abusive to him and at times to me. I’m not sure what to tell the 10-year-old. He’s a very sweet boy who does great in school and has nice friends. I’ve told him he needs to express his anger in a positive manner. Meanwhile my husband and I have told our 13-year-old that we will not tolerate this behavior. In the past I would tel...

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    Jul. 03, 2012 | Permalink
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