About

I am a mother of three, sharing my journey of hope and survival following the loss of our son...

  • Remember Brian 06-12-08

    06-12-2013

      June 12, 2013 No comfort can be found standing around and staring down at a cold piece of granite, nor can a bouquet of flowers ‘pretty up’ the beautiful life represented by that slab of stone. Our family draws strength from the promise of seeing Brian again one glorious day. Until that time comes, we find courage in our great hope and mission to keep a tragedy like ours from happening again. You never think something...

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    Jun. 12, 2013 | Permalink | Carolina Sonshine

  • Remembering then...

    B's Original Roadside Cross

    It is simply not possible to prepare yourself for someone to utter the unthinkable: “I’m sorry, but your son didn’t make it; he died.” I didn’t think we could possibly survive the reality of those awful words five years ago, and yet somehow, by God’s grace and with the help of family and determined friends, here we are… My family despises this time of year. Before everything changed, it was the period w...

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    Jun. 09, 2013 | Permalink | Carolina Sonshine

  • A Random Sign...

    J & 3

    The sun simply doesn’t shine as brightly as it did five years ago. Perhaps my eyes can no longer bear its brilliance, knowing one of my own can no longer see it too, or maybe the veil of grief has dimmed my sight such that even a big burning ball in the sky cannot eclipse the darkness inside… The closer we get to the dreaded day, the less we get along. Early into this journey I figured out we all have moments when we are not so easy to love, but it...

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    Jun. 05, 2013 | Permalink | Carolina Sonshine

  • Memorial Memories

    Old Lake Place

    Do you know what you were doing Memorial Day weekend five years ago? I know exactly where we were and what we were doing… I close my eyes and I can smell the dust hanging in the air… I feel the heat beating through the thin tin roof and the sweat collecting along my visor… I hear John and Brian arguing about the best strategy for getting everything done and I’m hoping to complete at least half of the work at hand… ...

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    May. 30, 2013 | Permalink | Carolina Sonshine

  • Timing is everything...

    watered-down scorched earth

      I’ve long held that timing is everything… Success or failure, triumph or tragedy, life or death…it all comes down to the convergence of a particular moment and set of circumstances… Most of life falls between those extremes, but you never know for sure until after it’s behind you. Take the other afternoon, for example… I’d been out running errands and had to stop by the house to pick up my siste...

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    May. 23, 2013 | Permalink | Carolina Sonshine

  • A sinking feeling...

    My 'teacher' cart

      You know how you get that sinking feeling that you’ve really messed up in a big way, but you’re not quite sure what you did? Then all of a sudden, it hits you…and it’s all you can do to keep from losing it… I did something today that I haven’t done a single time in four years… I didn’t realize it until I was sitting at a red light down the road from the high school I had just been to, sp...

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    May. 18, 2013 | Permalink | Carolina Sonshine

  • Blessed Indeed...

    Birthday lunch

      No matter how bad you think you have it, there’s always someone else who has it worse… It’s important to be thankful and remember that chances are, tomorrow will be a better day. I learned this bit of wisdom and many others from my mom a long time ago. Mother’s Day has been challenging for the last five years; I’ve never known what to do or exactly how to spend the day. I haven’t wanted a big deal made...

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    May. 14, 2013 | Permalink | Carolina Sonshine

  • Heart pounding moments

    Brian's memorial brick @ Butler HS

    You’re going along, thinking everything’s okay and without warning, it gets harder and harder to breathe… Such was the case for me Monday afternoon… The day started with me rushing around, running behind first thing due to a misunderstanding about the time schedule for several back to back presentations at a north side high school. After I finished up there, I had an errand to run for John on the edge of downtown; consequently, it was ...

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    May. 09, 2013 | Permalink | Carolina Sonshine

  • Hard to go...

    Pink X marks the spot

    When I cross that imaginary dividing line, at a point about halfway between home and the place where our old life ended, I have a physical reaction to being close to that area… Every time, my hands sweat and shake; my chest tightens; my throat aches and tears sting my eyes. It’s not logical to think an actual place is evil, yet this feeling persists deep inside of me and won’t let go… Nearly five years have gone by and I still cannot overcome my av...

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    May. 03, 2013 | Permalink | Carolina Sonshine

  • Rainy days...

    B heart

      And so the countdown to the day it all began has begun… Consecutive rainy days make it harder to handle… When the skies continually stay cold and gray, when damp air greets the opening of every door, it is difficult to find, much less maintain a positive outlook. When you struggle daily against darkness gaining a foothold in your heart, it’s easy to forget the sun still shines behind those heavy skies… We are all feeling it a...

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    Apr. 29, 2013 | Permalink | Carolina Sonshine
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