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Andy

Why he won't call

Posted: Monday, Dec. 14, 2009

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Photo by Alison Henry

"According to Andy" is our weekly peek into the male psyche, written by various contributors. To become a contributor, contact Editor Alison Henry.

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As I have gotten older, I have started to hear more complaints from my female friends. “Has staying single truly weeded out the good catches? Did everyone worth being with get married already?”

That just can’t be. If 30 is the new 20, and more and more of us are delaying matrimony, the only thing getting in the way of their success has to be their approach.

Here are a few big reasons why he may not be calling you back:

You let him get to third base on the first (or second… or third) date. I know, he kept pouring wine and you accidentally drank your pants off. I’m going to get some backlash from the guys here, but sex on the first date is the best way to not get a second date. Oh, you’ll get a call back – if you count the booty call at 2 a.m. on a Saturday night. You’ve been hearing it your whole life and it’s true: Making him wait will reveal his real intentions. Unfortunately, however, not giving it up may also get the same no-call result, which brings me to…

He’s a jerk. He asked you out at the gym for God’s sake. If you don’t give it up the first night and he doesn’t call you back, then good riddance. You just saved yourself the time and heartache from dating a player – and possibly contracting a communicable disease.

You say you like nice guys but are only attracted to the bad ones. It’s been my experience that most girls that say they like nice guys date the complete opposite. This is one of the most confusing things ever. Women wonder why men don’t know how to act. Well there you have it. Could it be that he likes you and feels like he has to act like a jerk to get you to like him? Will someone please explain this phenomenon?

He’s actually playing by the rules. If he does like you, he will have to play aloof in fear of smothering whatever chance he has with you. If he calls you too much or too soon, you will think he’s needy and loose interest. Tried and tested. If he does like you and has an inkling of how to play the dating game, he’s not supposed to call you right away. If you want to hear from him sooner, be patient but assertive. Send him a witty text message about something that happened on the date and watch how fast he responds.

And when you do find your potential knight in shining armor, ask yourself if you’re reading too much into things too soon. I do, and I’m continually disappointed.

I have stopped treating every girl I date as a potential life partner. I know this can be particularly hard for people nearing their max single age, but I promise you will have much more fun and get to know someone so much better. It’s like how people say you’ll fall in love as soon as you stop looking: As soon as you stop treating every date as a future husband, you just might actually find him.

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