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Q and A

By Francie Hartsog Dolak

Posted: Monday, May. 10, 2010

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Photo by Diedra Laird

Francie Hartsog Dolack, M.A., L.P.C. is a professional bridal counselor who helps brides sail through their special day before, during and after the main event. Here, Francie answers your most pressing questions about your wedding.

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My job as a professional bridal counselor is to help brides cope with the normal stress that comes with planning a wedding. Getting married is a major milestone in a woman's life, a rite of passage that changes everything. I can never promise a bride that her wedding will be without stress, but let's face it: some brides invite drama.

A good example of a potential "drama queen" bride is Monique. I received a call from Monique and could barely understand her because she was sobbing. After a few deep breaths together, she was finally able to tell me why she was so upset.

"My wedding is going to be a disaster," she cried. "My maid of honor doesn't even care. She hasn't answered any of my emails this week. I think I should fire her!"

"OK," I said. "What is it you think your MOH should be doing that she isn't doing? Could there be a reason why she hasn't answered your emails? Have you tried calling her?"

"She always acts like she's so busy. She works and is taking one class, but she is my MOH! She's supposed to be here for me!"

This is where I take a deep breath. Obviously, Monique is feeling abandoned by her MOH. She isn't thinking about her MOH's busy schedule. She isn't considering that her wedding is 18 months away so there isn't really an emergency. She hasn't even called her MOH to see if there is a problem. At this point, Monique is just freaking out. Monique is inviting drama. If she keeps this up, she will be Bridezilla of the Year by the time her wedding day arrives.

I don't want to see that happen, so I do my best to calm Monique, reminding her of the reasons she picked her MOH. We talk about all the things that are going right with the wedding planning, and I gently remind her that she has plenty of time to get all the details right.

Monique finally admits that her MOH has always been dependable and has probably been busy. She agrees it would be a good idea to call her friend and plan to meet for lunch. It's important for Monique to understand the importance of treating everyone with respect and patience. Although I expect Monique to invite more drama as the wedding gets closer, I will be around to head off disaster before it strikes.

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