That missing cell phone tolls for me |

Tracy Lee Curtis is a humorist, writer and speaker. She writes family humor for the Charlotte Observer. Her column appears each Sunday.
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That missing cell phone tolls for me

By ObserverTracy on 08/04/10 12:00

Somewhere between my house and the Chinese restaurant I've lost my cell phone. And don't tell me to try looking between the seats or in the console. I was on foot. Which means I have to retrace my steps back 2 miles to my house.

I'm glad it's charged. It's always good to have your phone charged, but it's great when you've lost it. Then you can call it for a couple of days hoping someone will hear it. And it's a bonus that the ringer is turned up all the way. Foot traffic or anyone standing at a bus stop might actually hear it and scramble to find it, thinking God was calling or something.

I hope somebody does find it. Just so long as they're responsible. I'd hate for someone to be crank calling all my friends, asking them if their refrigerator's running. Or if they have Pop in a bottle.

Speaking of my friends, I'm expecting several calls. Stephanie's gonna call when she's about to drop my son home. Alison's gonna call when she's ready to pick the same kid up to take him to the pool. And Caroline is coming by and is going to call when she leaves her house. So much for the battery.

How many calls am I going to miss? How many days will it take for this phone to be found and returned to me? And who on my contact list will they call to try to find me. Suddenly I'm bummed my "ICE" contact - "in case of emergency" - is The Husband. He's going to ask me how it is that I managed to lose my phone in front of Taipei Express. And did I get him any hot and sour soup.

But really, it's hopeless. A phone the size of a pack of gum isn't going to be recovered from a two-mile stretch of road. Phones belong on a wall - nailed to kitchen wallpaper. And you order the Chinese before you go to pick it up, not during your workout on your way over there.

But then Alison roars up beside me in her SUV and hollers:

"UPS has your phone and is delivering it to my house!"


I find out later "Chuck" - a UPS driver - saw my phone in the road and pulled it out of traffic right before it got run over. Chuck then took a call from Alison and asked for her address to deliver the phone.

But then Chuck got a call from Caroline, who offered to meet him at his next stop and pick it up. My phone actually BEAT ME to my house. But not before poor Chuck had to talk to two more girlfriends, my mother and my dentist. I think he's invited to Thanksgiving.

But I have my phone back. And I'm never taking it out for Chinese again.

And I changed my ICE contact. To UPS.

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