When children are trying different sports, what do they need at different ages and stages? A golf instructor in Charlotte recently asked, and Parent to Parent will answer in two parts. This week: Tips for first-timers. Next week: Coaches share their points of view for older kids.

For Abby and Kate Cosentine, two of the best parts of soccer are the T-shirts and the chocolate-chip cookies. Not to eat, but to chase. The black-and-white balls are the "cookies," and their coach pretends to be the Cookie Monster. The girls are 3-year-old twins.

"It's not about competition and scoring," says the girls' mother, Leslie Cosentine of Huntersville. "It's all about the skills."

Teaching fundamental skills in fun ways keeps little kids running back for more, some coaches and child development experts agree. On the flip side, starting rules-based games and stiff competition before a child is ready takes the joy away.

"The younger the child, the more the game is about play and process rather than rules and competition," says Joan Almon, executive director of the nonprofit Alliance for Childhood, a group of health professionals and educators.

Developmentally, when children are about age 6, they first become interested in rules - but they still want the rules to be flexible, says Almon, an advocate for plenty of unstructured playtime for kids. Until about age 9, it's tough for children to consistently follow adult-made rules, she says.

Organized sports for younger children should have short instruction periods, allow free time in practices to keep kids on the move, and focus on enjoyment rather than competition, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics.

Jan Thwaites of Davidson had the have-fun philosophy while coaching 5-year-old daughter Libby's soccer team this fall. With the backing of other parents, he learned to "embrace the chaos," he says, and remain upbeat.

"A good understanding of how to kick a ball and dribble will go a long way, and there's plenty of time in their sporting careers to learn about positions, tactics and more complex skills," says the father of two girls. "Young kids want to run around and chase the ball. Accept it and let them do it for now."

Plus, a 5-year-old's attention span is not suited to drills in which they are standing in lines and awaiting their turn, says Thwaites, who also has coached teenagers.

"Parents need to be on board with the having fun ethos," he says. "If Mummy or Daddy chastises from the sidelines, or runs repetitive drills at home, all your hard work as a coach can be ruined and little Johnny or Jane will not want to return to the pitch."