Being your Word Pope may look all cool because I get to sit around issuing grammatical encyclicals and wearing funny hats.

But it's difficult work because some people never tire of saying stupid things, as you may have noticed.

Like over the weekend, I was watching one of those goofy ghost shows on cable TV where courageous truth-seekers go into some creepy building because they long to solve mysteries of the spirit realm, plus it's a cheap way to get attention. They take video of dust balls floating around, determine they must be psychic orbs and lard on the morbid drama.

"I was scared to death, literally," quoth one witness.

Here's the thing. If she was scared to death, literally, she'd be dead, and the undertaker would be trying to bend her jaw into a less attention-getting position.

So that's it. No more "literally." Just say what you mean in the first place, counsels Word Pope.

"Perfect Storm" is the name of a book that got made into a movie that got made into a cliché. Anytime a couple bad things happen in tandem, someone wants to call it a "perfect storm."

Word Pope is weary of perfect storms. They make his eyes roll. It is stricken from the ritual.

Likewise is the phrase "every parent's nightmare."

Word Pope has it on good authority that different parents have different nightmares. They range from the genuinely tragic to the baby-sitter canceling at the last minute.

Either way, it's trite to compare the event to a bad dream. Utter it no more.

Don't be alarmed, but Word Pope is rescinding the ancient edict against peppering each sentence with maximum possible usage of "like."

From this moment forward, it is permissible for young women to say, "I mean, like, he was all, like (insert moronic facial expression), and so I was all, like (insert reasonable, righteous facial expression)." Repeat as needed to make point.

This does not represent a liberalization of the doctrine. It merely reflects the fact that Word Pope knows when he's licked.

Regionalism in language should be encouraged. It keeps things lively. Thus, Word Pope endorses topical observations such as, "That gossip got around town faster than Kyle Busch."

New phrases are born to satisfy the need to describe complicated circumstances.

Like this: You take a new job and everything is just swimming along, and everyone thinks you're great, then suddenly the economy sours and you get thrust in reverse and everybody blames you for the resulting mess.

Therefore, Word Pope gives his blessing to the new phrase: "You've been Gorman-ed."

Or, this: You push hard to achieve something, but at the very end you just run out of energy and it turns into a memorable disappointment.

"You've been Junior-ed."

There. End of homily. Go forth, word-sin no more. At least not literally.