Dr. Jodi Stoner and Lori Weiner, authors of the new book, “Good Manners are Contagious,” are on a mission to change how kids interact with the rest of the world. Their book offers tangible strategies for raising responsible, resilient and respectful children.
Here, Stoner, a clinical psychologist, and Weiner, a highly successful career coach, offer tips on common scenarios to raise a well-rounded, well-grounded and well-mannered child.
Situation: Your daughter doesn’t like something (food, drink, etc.) offered to her at a guest’s house. she begins to blatantly tell her guest so.
Solution: Good manners training begins long before your daughter’s first experience in someone else’s home, whether it is for a play-date or for dinner. The teaching set should be for your child to say “No thank you” when she is offered any type of food or drink she does not want. If she is disrespectful at someone else’s home, future outings should be curtailed until she masters correct social behavior.
Situation: Your very shy son refuses to play with your friend’s children or interact at all.
Solution: Knowing your son is shy, speak with your friend about an activity that both children would enjoy, such as Legos. Encourage paired play with words that praise the desired behavior. Social skills take time to build, and in time your son will feel more secure and confident to be able to engage in pro-social behaviors on his own.
Situation: Your son is talking over the other children in an after-school class.
Solution: Talk with your son about any behavior problems that are happening and, with positive dialogue, explain why we let other people take turns in speaking. Support the teacher in her role to stop your child from interrupting by praising him when he doesn’t interrupt. Hopefully, the teacher will give him an opportunity to speak when he raises his hand.
Teach your child what constitutes rightful interruptions. This should only be in critical situations such as emergencies (someone is hurt) or urgencies (bathroom issues or someone is at the door).
Situation: An older child is being aggressive/verbally bullying your daughter at the playground.
Solution: Bullying behavior is never tolerated. Teach your child to ignore the bullying. If that doesn’t work, report the incident to the school. Most schools have a no bullying policy and are proactive in stopping it. If this is occurring at the community playground, and that child’s parent is not there, speak to the child yourself and tell him what he is doing is disrespectful and hurtful. Maybe you can offer another alternative. If that doesn’t work, speak to the child’s parents. Teach your child that bullying is never acceptable and that it is not tolerated.
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