For children who are autistic, even trips to the grocery store can provoke meltdowns that spark judgmental glances from strangers. Tessa Jordan of Shreveport, La., is the mother of four children, three of whom have varying degrees of the developmental disorder. She knows the look.

After one of those everything's-falling-apart grocery- shopping trips with one of her sons, Jordan wrote a list to educate the public about how to be helpful - instead of hurtful - toward kids with special needs.

Jordan, who teaches middle school, also contributed an essay to the book "Wit and Wisdom from the Parents of Special Needs Kids" (CreateSpace, 2011), a collection of essays edited by Lynn Hudoba. She's also written entries for the Sensory Processing Disorder Network's Facebook page.

Here are some of the steps she wrote in her blog ( applesandautobots.blogspot .com ), shortened and reprinted here with her permission.

"Understand why we're there: Many people might question why a parent would put their child in a situation where meltdowns are likely to occur. First, it depends on the day. Trips to the store don't always result in a meltdown for my son. Sometimes unexpected occurrences make a tolerable situation intolerable for him. We don't always know what will cause a meltdown.

"The main reason I continue to take him shopping with me is that I have a vision for my child. For the rest of his life, every time he goes out in public, he will be at risk of experiencing sensory overload. I don't know if he will ever get married, but I hope he will hold a job and move out of our house at some point. He must learn how to recognize when he's becoming overwhelmed and needs to remove himself from a situation. As his mother, it is my job to prepare him for life.

"Please don't start a conversation. We appreciate help. We just can't talk about it right now. Our hands are full with a screaming, crying, out-of-control child, and our attention is 100 percent focused on him or her at that moment. Escape is often our child's primary goal, and if we're in a place where there are cars, a moment's inattention could be fatal.

"Instead of saying, 'Excuse me, ma'am, do you need some help?,' which requires our attention to shift to you to answer, just say, "Ma'am, I'll watch your buggy for you," or whatever. It lets us know that there is a supportive soul nearby, removes just one more worry from the moment, and doesn't require us to formulate an answer.

"Clear a path. If I'm trying to remove my child from a situation, you can help by asking others to move out of the way.

"Carry something. Pick up something that I dropped while struggling to hang onto my child.

"Watch for traffic. In a parking lot, helping me look out for cars would be appreciated.

"Put others in check. If you witness someone being rude or insensitive, speak up. In that moment, I can't defend myself or my child. I'd be grateful for anyone who did.