So there's this silly email going around - The Giraffe Test. Do we not have better things to do in the New Year? I guess not. Because I'm taking it.
Question No. 1: How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
Seems pretty simple to me. First you're gonna have to take out the spoiled milk, green cheese and whatever's in that orange Tupperware container. Take out the shelves, wipe off his feet, and ram him in there head first, after you butter his head real good.
Wrong.
Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.
Did I say butter his head? Obviously, that's not necessary, as his fur slides easily up against the smooth plastic.
Question No. 2: How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
I got this one. Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the door. Wrong.
Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.
The repercussions of your previous actions? I'm pretty sure the repercussions of putting a giraffe in a refrigerator are nothing compared to riding him down the street from the zoo to your house. I'm just saying.
Question No. 3: The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend, except one. Which animal does not attend?
So easy. It's Pumbaa, the warthog. He hates those things.
Wrong.
Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there. This tests your memory.
I know that! Of course, I remember that. I just didn't know the meeting was mandatory.
Question No. 4: There is a river you must cross, but it is used by crocodiles, and you don't have a boat. How do you manage it?
The same way I manage everything, with unreasonable optimism and a quart of Ben & Jerry's.
Wrong.
Correct Answer: You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Conference. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.
Which mistake? That I bought a house with a crocodile-infested river behind it? Or that I took this test?
I think I know the answer to this one.
