Q: My 7-month-old daughter is still waking several times a night and crying. How do I improve her sleep schedule so her 3-year-old big sister can get some sleep?
You aren’t alone! It’s normal for babies to wake up to eight times during the night. The problem, of course, is the baby waking, crying and not being able to fall back to sleep without intervention from you or your husband.
First, talk with your doctor to confirm your baby doesn’t have a medical condition such as acid reflux that could be causing pain at night.
Another reason for nighttime crying is what I call "perceived hunger." The baby may be in the habit of eating at 3 a.m., but at seven months, she doesn’t need to eat then. If you offer a bottle overnight, provide one that’s three-quarters formula and one-quarter water at first, then half formula and half water. Within a week, the overnight bottle should be all water. If you are breastfeeding, use a pump so you can offer your own milk in a bottle and use the same strategy of watering it down, or ask Dad to provide a bottle of water at night.
The baby will likely stop crying for this feeding. Note this strategy is for the overnight feeding only. You want your baby to get adequate calories during the day so she sleeps at night.
Though "perceived hunger" may be the problem, the most common reason babies cry at night is they haven’t learned how to soothe themselves back to sleep when they wake. They are depending on cues from their parents, such as rocking or nursing to sleep. The good news is you can empower your infant to help herself sleep.
To start, create a bedtime ritual that’s consistent night to night. Your baby will learn that A (a bath) leads to B (reading a book ) and then C (being put to bed to sleep). Always put your baby to bed drowsy but not asleep. Overnight, you have two methods to choose from:
- Determine your level of tolerance for crying and allow the infant to cry for that period of time before intervening. You could start with 10 minutes. When you go into the room, never pick up the baby. Speak softly, comfort and maybe pat her, but don’t rock her, nurse her or resort to any other old behavior you used to use to get her to sleep. Then leave. Return in 15 minutes if the baby is still crying. Keep extending the time until the baby falls asleep.
Typically, this strategy requires only three to five nights until the baby is sleeping through the night. But you must be consistent in your response. Don’t give in and go back to your old behaviors, like rocking, or you’ll be back where you started – with a crying baby at night.
- A second option, if you are certain the baby has eaten well during the day and is clean and safe, is simply to let her cry until she falls asleep. How long that takes will be less each night if you wait the baby out. Consider sending big sister to visit her grandparents for a few nights if you try this strategy.
With either method, for most infants sleep empowerment occurs within five nights. The key is to be consistent! Both and your husband need to be on board with either method. Usually the first night is the longest and hardest. It gets easier each night.
Remember that letting your baby cry is really allowing her to learn an important life skill: soothing herself back to sleep.
