What men don’t understand is that a woman can have 10 pairs of black shoes, and need every single one of them. I remember being asked why I need a black flip-flop and a black high heel. Answer: Because one I wear with an evening gown. And one I wear to take out trash.
But it’s a good point. If I’m just going to the trashcan, why not go out there in a green flip-flop? Maybe blue, or something in a chartreuse? Why not break things up a bit, and venture out to some other colors?
So I stopped buying black shoes. But pulling out my spring shoes, clearly I have gotten stuck on another color – beige. Not so much beige, as the fashion forward name for it – “nude.”
I sort of know how it happened. That color – or non-color – is everywhere. And there’s a theory that goes along with it: If the shoe matches your skin tone, the shoe becomes an extension of your leg, thus making your leg appear longer. Sort of like fake nail tips.
So in an effort to replace my black shoes and grow four inches, I now have three pairs of nude shoes. However, I can make a case for each:
The everyday wedge sandal: nude in color, but canvas in texture, and an Aerosole, for comfort. It’s the shoe you wear with jeans or crop pants. Shorts or casual skirts. It’s a little much for taking out trash, but because it’s an Aerosole, you can run after the garbage truck if you need to.
The dressy pump: nude in color, but patent leather in texture, limiting its use to church, fancy events, and dress-up if I were eight. A must-have staple for anyone who wears a lot of dresses or suits. Or wants to be as tall as Heidi Klum. Or likes to pretend to be her.
The casual heel: nude in color, but cork in texture. Yes, cork. The whole shoe. The shoe that goes with all your sassy skirts, skinny jeans, and gives your little black dress a pop. Also good for stopping up that left over wine at the restaurant, and for bobbing you up to the surface if you fall into a pool.
You can’t wear canvas sandals to church, or cork heels to the pool party, or patent leather pumps to the PTA meeting – unless you’re the PTA president, and then no one is going to say anything snarky, as they’re just so glad you took the job.
The point is, every shoe has its place. And so I need all three pairs.
But I still need a flip-flop.
