You know it’s coming. It starts around April – jackets turn into long-sleeve shirts, pants turn into shorts, clogs into sandals, and suddenly, it’s almost time for it: The Bathing Suit.
If I were smart, the second I stopped wearing a jacket, I would start hitting the gym. If I were really smart, I would start wearing a bathing suit under my clothes every day just to know what it’s going to feel like. But the ties would hang out.
I remember when I would go with my Mom to pick out a bathing suit. They used to come in a set – the top with the bottom. I’d grab my size small, in some fluorescent color, and we’d be on our way.
Not so now. First of all, thankfully, they don’t sell the top with the bottom. That way I can pick out my ideal top and my ideal bottom. So I can get a big top, with a small bottom, or a small top with a – well – not-so-small bottom. And then head home to cut all the size tags out.
And unless I’m riding a bike or directing traffic, I won’t need anything electric orange, bright yellow or hot pink. Black is my summer color. Something that says, I’m not here, don’t look at me, pretend it’s a funeral and let’s just all keep our heads down.
But pouring through the black sea of bathing suits, something catches my eye: The Cover Up. And then it hits me. It’s not about the bathing suit at this stage of the game. It’s about what I’m wearing over the bathing suit that will be eye-catching, fashion forward and not offensive to the human eye.
“Outerwear” is where it’s at. And forget black, cuz when it comes to outerwear, I can afford to stand out. Because with the cover up, every pale white problem area on the body is just barely covered with a sassy polyester floral. Or a sheer paisley, trimmed in colored beads. A nicely fitted crocheted sheath. Or a jazzy jersey that ties tightly at the waist.
Accessorize with some cool shades and a floppy straw hat, and you are ready for the cover of Sports Illustrated – the Swimsuit Outerwear Edition. They might even give you a free ice cream at the snack shack.
The trick is to flounce around in that all day, then whip it off when no one’s looking to slip into the pool. Just be sure to leave it next to the ladder so you can get back into it fast.
I did get a black bathing suit. No comment on what size top or bottom. But more importantly, I got a polyester, multi-colored Pachanga tunic that looks like a cocktail dress.
So now I’m ready for swimsuit season, and have something to wear to the pool.
And dinner parties.
