You know its coming. It starts around April jackets turn into long-sleeve shirts, pants turn into shorts, clogs into sandals, and suddenly, its almost time for it: The Bathing Suit.
If I were smart, the second I stopped wearing a jacket, I would start hitting the gym. If I were really smart, I would start wearing a bathing suit under my clothes every day just to know what its going to feel like. But the ties would hang out.
I remember when I would go with my Mom to pick out a bathing suit. They used to come in a set the top with the bottom. Id grab my size small, in some fluorescent color, and wed be on our way.
Not so now. First of all, thankfully, they dont sell the top with the bottom. That way I can pick out my ideal top and my ideal bottom. So I can get a big top, with a small bottom, or a small top with a well not-so-small bottom. And then head home to cut all the size tags out.
And unless Im riding a bike or directing traffic, I wont need anything electric orange, bright yellow or hot pink. Black is my summer color. Something that says, Im not here, dont look at me, pretend its a funeral and lets just all keep our heads down.
But pouring through the black sea of bathing suits, something catches my eye: The Cover Up. And then it hits me. Its not about the bathing suit at this stage of the game. Its about what Im wearing over the bathing suit that will be eye-catching, fashion forward and not offensive to the human eye.
Outerwear is where its at. And forget black, cuz when it comes to outerwear, I can afford to stand out. Because with the cover up, every pale white problem area on the body is just barely covered with a sassy polyester floral. Or a sheer paisley, trimmed in colored beads. A nicely fitted crocheted sheath. Or a jazzy jersey that ties tightly at the waist.
Accessorize with some cool shades and a floppy straw hat, and you are ready for the cover of Sports Illustrated the Swimsuit Outerwear Edition. They might even give you a free ice cream at the snack shack.
The trick is to flounce around in that all day, then whip it off when no ones looking to slip into the pool. Just be sure to leave it next to the ladder so you can get back into it fast.
I did get a black bathing suit. No comment on what size top or bottom. But more importantly, I got a polyester, multi-colored Pachanga tunic that looks like a cocktail dress.
So now Im ready for swimsuit season, and have something to wear to the pool.
And dinner parties.