There is a cold, impenetrable place within, an arctic wasteland without hope of thaw… It is an impenetrable dead zone where nothing lives anymore, a place completely absent of love or any feeling at all.
Another piece of John’s heart has gone dark, through no fault of his own. However unfair it is, he cannot help it any more than he can help breathing…
I’m pretty sure he didn’t mean to let it slip; it came out in the midst of an intense disagreement over something else entirely. It’s not as if I wasn’t aware; I simply chose to be oblivious. I’ve gotten rather good at feigning selective ignorance. After so long of trying to “fake it ‘til you make it”, you convince yourself it will get better, if you only keep putting one foot in front of the other and waiting… Alternatively, if you don’t confront or acknowledge the issue, maybe it will just go away on its own…
It is hard to hear ‘this is as good as it gets’. It is difficult to be told ‘there is only so much I have left to give’.
If you survive a heart attack, you have less of a heart for the rest of your days…the argument could be made it is the same when you lose a child.
I didn’t know how we could possibly go on after Brian’s accident; by grace alone, we’ve managed thus far…
We are all different from the way we were; it is simply not possible to be the same. Even so, sometimes we forget to adjust our expectations of one another.
If this is it, so be it. As long as every day, we do the best we can and love as much as we are able, then surely it will be enough.
Because without love, we have nothing at all…
Wishing you many blessings, sunshine and hope…tg
Tammy will update her blog on Mondays and Thursdays
