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Question of the day: Are Democrats liberal scum?

By Doug Robarchek
Outfront

CHARLOTTE, N.C. I don’t know if you know this, because I’m not sure if it’s been mentioned in any of the news outlets (you know the liberal media never report anything good), but the Democratic National Convention is being held in Charlotte right now.

This is Extremely Important News because (memo to self – find out why this is important and insert here). Walking around uptown Wednesday, I found news lurking everywhere. I also found a ham-and-cheese croissant lurking at a restaurant. This was not as Important as the News, but at least the croissant didn’t make me nauseated.

Anyway, one bit of news I found out is that Charlotte is very friendly. Many visitors mentioned this. And I found it to be true myself. As an Important Former Columnist and Major Local Celebrity, I got lots of attention as I walked up the downtown streets (or possibly down the uptown streets – my notes are not clear on this).

Lots of friendly people called out cheery greetings like, “Welcome to Charlotte,” and “Hey, you can’t go in there!” and “Did that nose come with them glasses?”

One guy said, “Hey, it’s good to see you back in the paper. But that picture of you they’re using is very old.”

“That’s OK,” I said. “So am I.”

Not that I’m all that old. I won’t say just how old because I can’t remember. But let me put it this way: My Social Security number is 11.

Anyway, since there were lots of people in town for this convention thingie, I put my Unconventional Convention Quiz to several of them. The Quiz consisted of one question today:

As the two parties try to find some common ground, would you be willing to agree with one basic Republican position, that all Democrats are liberal scum?

Surprisingly, there was no solid consensus even on this vital issue. Aaron Sanders, a Charlotte native and 1973 Garinger High School graduate who is back in town as a delegate from San Francisco, said, “No, I would not be willing to agree with that one basic position.” He said of the Republicans, “They’re kind of stingy. (Their position) is more for the few and less for the majority.”

A delegate from Jacksonville, Fla., who identified herself only as Tricia, said, “No comment,” and Texas delegate Renee Watson from San Antonio said, “I would agree because of the way we define ‘scum’ in the great state of Texas, and we’re all proud to be liberals.”

Meanwhile, a confessed Republican who wanted to be identified only as Joel came out of hiding long enough to say he thought “That’s a fair statement.” In the interest of responsible journalism I won’t use his last name unless I can find out what it is.

Tomorrow: Because we are determined to cover both sides in the campaign, we will reveal, for the first time anywhere, the new Official Slogan of the Romney campaign.

Robarchek is retired Observer humor columnist
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