When professional football players start wearing pink cleats and gloves, you know it’s Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I always do my mammogram before October, so I don’t feel like everybody who’s wearing pink is trying to tell me something.

And really, the mammogram is the easiest thing to do. And it’s fast. This year I was so confident I’d be in and out, that I booked a meeting for one hour after my appointment time. Which included a drive across town. And a Starbucks run.

And as much as some women don’t like to do them, I’d rather do that than a lot of other things. I’d much rather have a mammogram than go to the DMV, I can tell you that. Or to the dentist – and I’m not talking about a root canal or even a cleaning – I just can’t stand the sound of drilling or scraping. Mammograms are pretty quiet.

I’d rather do that than do laundry, shop for clothes with my children, call any customer service line, or go to Costco. I’d do it any day, over driving soccer carpool when everybody takes off their shoes. Mammograms don’t have a scent.

And they’re faster than most things. They’re faster than picking out a movie everybody wants to see. Pulling out everybody’s fall clothes. Or listening to a mom explain why she can’t chair a PTA committee.

They’re even faster than the fun things. A lot quicker than getting your nails done, your hair colored, or shopping for a low-heeled black leather boot – which seems like a quick and easy thing, but it’s not. And I could have four mammograms in the time it’s going to take to convince my kids to please let this poor lizard go!

And mammograms aren’t painful. At least not as painful as listening to my kids convince me that all we need to keep Windshield The Lizard alive is to get him a heat lamp. Like I really want a heat lamp, to go with the lizard terrarium, the cricket cage and the meal worm farm.

And nowhere near as painful as when this thing dies, and I have to bite my tongue to keep from saying, “I told ya so,” while I put the lizard in the shoe box that my low-heeled black leather boots came in, because I WILL find them.

Anyway, they don’t hurt, they don’t smell, they’re not loud, and they’re faster than even writing all this down. So if all the pink hasn’t been enough to motivate you, go on and get it done. And plan to have lunch an hour later.

And make a Starbucks run.