The heavy, leaden skies outside yesterday mirrored the darkness that’s been weighing down my spirit… I’ve tried to dig deep, to tap into the certainty of belief that has allowed me to persevere in times past, but thus far, I’ve had no success. I’ve been unable to pull from my stores of stubborn determination and confident resolve to rise above the latest circumstances.
I know why, or rather what, is interfering…I just don’t know how to overcome it. Yet. Turning anger inward is never wise; it will manifest itself in all sorts of unexpected ways…
Twelve years ago when my first career ended, I promised myself I wouldn’t allow my professional livelihood to be at the mercy of any one person again, but I have. It’s because I forgot a cardinal rule, one of utmost importance in the business world.
I should have remembered, though. I’ve lost count of the times I’ve counseled my children about this very basic thing: the people you work with are not your friends. Period. You are there to do a job and to earn a paycheck, just like they are. The workplace is exactly that: the place you work. That’s it. Don’t get personal or involved. Leave the coworkers and the job at the door every night when you head home…
It’s easier said than done, considering nearly everyone spends more of their waking hours with their colleagues than their family. Of course, in my case, it’s complicated by the fact I’ve been working alongside my husband…
As a practical matter, that hasn’t changed; I will continue assisting/supporting him, except now it will be in an unofficial capacity. We will keep doing what we do, with several administrative modifications. Frankly, John hasn’t really understood why I’ve been so upset, although he’s tried…
Tonight, as I write these words, I resolve to let go of my embarrassment, hurt and prideful anger over this entire situation; I will continue to do so as many times as it takes in order to truly move on from here.
With all of the changes we’ve experienced during the last four years, I suppose I got too comfortable where I was; my job evolved, but the people and place were mostly the same. I needed some measure of relative certainty in my world; this provided it.
Whether He caused this change to come about or merely allowed it to happen, I am choosing to believe something greater is waiting, once I push past this emotional mess and open up to the possibility…
Tomorrow, I begin…
“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” –Psalm 51:10
Wishing you many blessings and hope…tg
Tammy will update her blog twice weekly…
