No gloating. The Republicans are licking their wounds, which is ironically Mitt Romneys health care plan.
This was a great week for gay potheads who love Obama. Or as I call it, Hollywood.
All of the Republican men who talked about lady parts during the campaign, they all lost, including two seats in the Senate, Todd Akin and Richard Mourdock, while Claire McCaskill and Elizabeth Warren won. And you know what? After all this stupid rape talk, it is refreshing to see women forcing their way into mens seats.
The head of the CIA and former General David Petraeus has resigned because of an extramarital affair. So guys, let that be a lesson for you. If the CIA director who has access to phony passports, elaborate disguises, has safe houses all over the world if he cant keep an affair secret, youre screwed. You dont have a chance.
According to the real estate website Zillow, the White House is worth $283 million. When Mitt Romney heard that, he said, You mean I could have just bought it?
Mitt Romneys family has been trying to console him since Tuesdays loss. In fact, this morning they took him to Ikea just so he could feel what its like to put together a cabinet.
Florida has finally finished counting the votes. What is wrong with Florida? Why is it so hard for the people down there to count votes? Were talking about a state where half the population can play 10 bingo cards at the same time.
Both parties in Washington now agree that our country is headed toward a fiscal cliff. The bad news: We just elected a guy whose campaign slogan was Forward.
But the good news: President Obama says we will run out of gas long before we get to the cliff. So dont worry about it.
I heard an update from Con Edison, the electricity company. They said the Republicans now will be without power for the next four years.
James Bond beat Abraham Lincoln at the box office. Boy, its really been a lousy week for Republicans, hasnt it?
Republicans still will not admit that they underestimated the power of the Hispanic vote. As a matter of fact, Latinos are calling this Cinco Deny-o.
According to poll data, President Obamas victory on Tuesday was due largely to his popularity with both college students and the unemployed. So basically Obama became President the same way Budweiser became the King of Beers.
Navy officials said Thursday that seven members of SEAL Team 6, the elite unit that killed Osama bin Laden, were given career-ending reprimands after they disclosed operational secrets to the makers of the videogame Medal of Honor. Now everyone knows bin Laden was killed by A, B, A, B, up, down, right trigger, left trigger.
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