The face staring at me from the mirror reflects the road map of my life… The furrowed brow, even while at rest; the network of lines edging the ever-present smudges below my eyes; fine gray-white wisps framing my face and peppering the balance of my formerly brown hair… I have undoubtedly arrived at that certain age…
I’ve never been more cognizant of time rushing by as I am at this particular moment, on the eve of my next occasion… I have officially passed the midpoint of my life, and I find myself wondering about so many things…
Where have all of these years gone? What happened to the bright-eyed girl who used to be me? Have I accomplished a fraction of all that I dreamed I would?
There’s no doubt-I’m definitely not where I expected to be at this junction… Technically unemployed, slightly overwrought and perpetually tired, a hollowed-out imitation of my former self, merely trying to get through another day…
Have I faked my way for so long that I’ve fooled myself into believing it too?
Even before everything changed, I assured myself there was plenty of time, that I had a long life yet to live, many days to come when I could pursue the soul-feeding, life-affirming things I constantly put off for a future ‘someday’ down the road… Problem is, I’m way down that road now and no closer to ‘doing’ anything than when I began…
And despite knowing far too well that tomorrow is not promised to anyone, I’ve continued to hold back and procrastinate as if I’ve all the time in the world…
It has to stop. Because I don’t. I’m re-affirming the vow I made in the awful hours after we lost Brian-to live out the rest of this life to the fullest, just as he would…
Each and every day, I will to take a small step, make a tiny effort towards achieving my postponed plans…
Last weekend, I stumbled across a stitched and framed poem with the perfect message to help me remember:
“The clock of life is wound but once,
And no man has the power
To tell just when the hand will stop
At late or early hour.
To lose one’s wealth is sad indeed.
To lose one’s health is more.
To lose one’s soul is such a loss
That no man can restore.
Today, only is our own.
So live, love and toil with a will.
Place no faith in tomorrow,
For the clock may soon be still.” -mostly attributed to Robert H. Smith
Wishing you many blessings and hope…tg
Tammy will update her blog twice weekly…
