I haven’t the lack of fear inherent in my father… Since Brian’s accident, I frequently find myself ill at ease, fighting to keep anxiety from grabbing control of my thoughts and actions… Sometimes my fearfulness is warranted; other times, it is entirely self-inflicted, despite knowing full well it is a waste of precious energy.
On Monday I added a new phrase to the list of utterances I hope to never hear again…
“Mrs. Garlock, the radiologist has asked that you come back for additional imaging views…”
Her words sent chills up my spine… They were definitely not what a woman wants to hear following her annual mammogram screening. Especially one who has breast cancer in her family history…
The first person I called after scheduling the appointment was John. I finally managed to get the words out, and bless his heart, he stopped talking and really listened…
“John, what if something’s wrong?”
“I’m sure it’s nothing, but if it turns out to be something, we’ll deal with it, just like we’ve dealt with everything else. You’re young; it’s probably precautionary because of your mom’s history.”
“But young women get diagnosed with breast cancer too.”
“Yeah, they do; but then they get over it and carry on with their lives…”
My husband is not known to be an eloquent speaker; nevertheless, he said exactly what I needed to hear in that moment.
When I told the girls, they were more inquisitive, questioning me about prior test results and my self-examination routine; it was kind of funny the way they morphed between clinical mode and worried daughters. I drew the line at their request to ‘check me over’ themselves; I figured there was no point in adding to my trauma…
When writing about my dad’s procedure last week, I made the statement “Confronting one’s own mortality is a scary business”, never imagining for a second that I would be facing a potentially serious health issue on the heels of doing so…
Tomorrow I go in for the diagnostic screening and results.
I’m terrified, but thank Heaven I don’t have to face it alone…
Wishing you many blessings and hope…tg
Tammy will update her blog twice weekly…
