I know you’re working on your Oscar pool, but don’t forget your Super Bowl pool …
Best Original Title
A. HarBowl
B. SuperBaugh
C. Bro Bowl
D. Super Breaux XLVII
Best Original Score
A. Mercedes-Benz getting the naming rights of the Superdome
B. The opposing coaches being brothers
C. Putting Destiny’s Child back together
D. PSY going Gangnam Style in a pistachio commercial
Best Director
A. Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco
B. 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick
C. The guy in the booth who shows the right Harbaugh when the announcers are talking about them.
Best Picture
A. John Harbaugh giving little brother Jim a wedgie before the game.
B. Jack and Jackie Harbaugh putting their sons in a time-out.
C. The Ravens’ Michael Oher wearing a “The Blind Side” T-shirt
D. Michael Oher’s parents sitting with Sandra Bullock and Tim McGraw.
Best Actor
A. James Caan in “Brian’s Song”
B. Warren Beatty in “Heaven Can Wait”
C. Tom Cruise in “All The Right Moves”
D. Keanu Reeves in “The Replacements”
Best Actress
A. Beyonce in “The National Anthem”
Best Production Design
A. The Harbaugh brothers playing down the sibling rivalry
B. CBS Sports President Sean McManus stating CBS would try not to let the familial battle dominate its coverage of the game.
C. TV critic David Bianculli pointing out that given the need for the Harbaugh parents to stay neutral, it might not be much of a visual story if the parents really maintain impassive, stone faces.
D. Jackie Harbaugh practicing her impassive, stone face.
Best Costume Design
A. The Baltimore Ravens – white jerseys, black pants
B. The San Francisco 49ers – red jerseys, gold pants
C. The Refs – vertical stripes – (they’re so slimming!)
Best Song
A. Any song about a pistachio sung by PSY
Best Documentary
A. Whatever they run in the pre-game show about these two coaches being brothers
B. Whatever they run in the pre-game show NEXT year, about LAST year’s coaches being brothers
C. E! True Hollywood Story – The Baldwin Brothers
Best Visual Effects
A. Beyonce singing live
B. Making the Harbaugh brothers look completely different
C. DirectTV blimp aerials
D. The Harbaugh brothers’ clairvoyant thoughts appearing as subtitles
Short Film (Action)
A. Volkswagen
B. Kia
C. Audi
Best Short Film (Spicy)
A. Taco Bell
B. Doritos
C. GoDaddy.com
Best Foreign Film
A. PSY in “Wonderful Pistachios”
Best Makeup and Hairstyling
A. The Ravens Cheerleaders
B. The 49ers Cheerleaders
C. Phil Simms and Jim Nantz
D. Every woman in America attending a Super Bowl party like they care about this game, one single bit.
