I think Carrie Underwood’s on to something. Her Grammy dress rocked. Her gown was made with material compatible with projection technology. So all during her performance, the patterns on her dress kept changing.
I’m totally doing that. I’m gonna take my parents’ old projection screen and have a short little sleeveless dress made. And then run Woody Allen movies on it all day long.
Might be a great way to get my kids’ attention – stand in front of them while SpongeBob plays all over my dress. Surely that would make them stop and look at me when I’m talking. A scene from “Mommy Dearest” might get their attention too, but I don’t want to scare them off. I’ll need help with the zipper.
How good would I feel doing my errands while those great Jane Austen movies play all over my body. A little “Sense & Sensibility” at the grocery. “Pride & Prejudice” during all those carpools. So much better than just changing the GPS voice to a British accent.
And I haven’t been called for jury selection in a while, but how fun would it be to sit in the jury box while my dress played “My Cousin Vinny.” I think everyone would be psyched that I was there. They might even pick me, in hopes of catching some classics like “To Kill A Mockingbird” or “12 Angry Men.”
Or I could just do what Carrie did – project a different pattern every day. I’d save a fortune in clothing costs. And everything would be a true original – because it’d be decoupage. Watercolor and graffiti. And pointillism – so people have to back away to focus on me – keeps them out of my personal space.
And I’d really put those women who try to wow with a famous designer in their place – when my little film frock displays a famous work of art. Don’t tell me anyone else is going to be wearing Van Gogh’s Starry Night on girl’s night out. Or The Mona Lisa. I think da Vinci’s The Last Supper would be totally awesome, but no way all those disciples would fit.
Oscar Claude Monet to your Oscar de la Renta, I say.
“Who are you wearing?”
“Andy Warhol.”
I win.
But really? I probably wouldn’t be trying that hard. If I had a dress like that, I’d just be driving around Charlotte watching “The West Wing” playing in my lap. But, if you can’t text and drive, I’m pretty sure you can’t watch Bravo marathons.
Besides…I bet that projection material gets really hot.
