WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. Alert the NRA.

No, not the National Rifle Association. I mean the National Restaurant Association.

Where’s a powerful burrito lobbyist when you need one?

Somebody needs to speak up for Erik Brown, 36, of Port St. Lucie, Fla., who was exercising his precious constitutional right to hurl a loaded Taco Bell burrito at his teenage brother-in-law during a sloppy domestic dispute last month.

And yes, it was a very sloppy domestic dispute.

A ‘stand your ground beef’ law?

When deputies arrived at the scene, they noted that the 16-year-old boy had “burrito cheese, sauce and meat all over his clothing and face.”

Deputies charged Brown with battery by burrito, unsympathetic to the man’s explanation that he heaved the burrito at the teenager as a way to get him to be more respectful to his mother.

Throwing Mexican food at people as a way to instill courteous behavior might seem like a foolish strategy. But I prefer to look at it as thinking outside the bun.

And somebody ought to applaud Brown for at least choosing a weapon that caused no injuries.

A diligent burrito lobbyist would probably suggest that there ought to be a Florida law to protect Brown’s actions and make them seem somehow heroic instead of criminal.

Maybe something known as a “stand your ground beef” law.

Of course, we would need to regulate the weaponizing of Mexican food. We don’t want to live in a society where we allow just about anybody to walk around looking for a confrontation while toting a concealed chalupa.

And I’m all for limiting the number of shell casings in those high-capacity semi-gas-o-matic taco 12-packs. I mean, let’s be practical here. There’s no reason anybody needs to fire that many taco shells at an assailant.

We can also have a debate about whether “lava sauce” should be available only to law enforcement, or if there ought to be a three-minute cooling off period on sales, or how to best restrict access to taco locos.

But I think it’s clear that if the Founding Fathers were alive today to witness the unnecessary bloodshed caused in a country buried under 275 million guns, they’d endorse the idea of Taco Bell munitions.

Finally, a border issue we all can agree on. And using fast food as weapons would have the added benefit of also improving nutrition.

Instead of a culture that glorifies guns, the change will create a non-lethal and more comical reverence for violence.

Kids would be entranced by a whole new bunch of violent video games celebrating fast-food weapons: Games such as “Morsel Kombat,” “Grilled Stuft Auto,” and “Resident Evil Crunchy Supreme.”

The “Dirty Harry” movies of tomorrow would have quotable lines like this: “I know what you’re thinking, punk. Is that a six-layer, or a seven-layer burrito?”

Quentin Tarantino movies would be awash in oozing re-fried beans and sour cream instead of blood. And Sylvester Stallone will star in “Meximelt to the Head.”

The switch to Taco Bell weaponry will also comfort the paranoid-needy segment of America, who will now be able to get worked up over a new imaginary threat: That the federal government is secretly trying to round up all the gordita crunch supremes.

“You can have my enchirito, when you pry it from my hot, greasy fingers,” will become a popular bumper sticker.

It’s all there waiting to happen, as soon as somebody realizes that Erik Brown may have just fired the splat heard ’round the world.

Where’s a powerful burrito lobbyist when you need one?