Dealing with Drama
Posted: Monday, Mar. 11, 2013
Ashleigh has been living in Charlotte since 2008 with her oversized yellow lab. She is a communications professional, grad student, runner, and lover of all things wedding! After attending 13 weddings in three years, it's now Ashleigh's turn to be at the altar. Join her as she blogs about her adventures in step-by-step wedding planning and tips for other brides-to-be!
As a little girl, I dreamed of my wedding day and knew that I would be surrounded by my best friends. For the past 11 years, I had it planned on who those friends would be. Unfortunately, three months after getting engaged to the man of my dreams, that all changed. In the middle of figuring out who my caterer, florist and hair stylist would be, I was faced with one of the toughest decisions Ive ever made.One of these best friends got engaged just two tiny weeks after me. We were both going to be experiencing this exciting time in our lives, at the same time. We had literally grown up together and experienced each others relationships from day one, but neither of us is going to be a part of the others wedding now. I decided to change up my wedding party three months into my planning. I asked 3/5 of my bridesmaids to step down and let me create a bridal party that could be there for me and wanted to be there for me. This was not a rash decision, but a well thought out one (and thats becoming more clear as the days go on). I will preface this with this is how it felt to me but I know there are two sides to every story. It was weighing heavy on my heart for a while before the decision was made but with two weddings being planned, it felt like only one of them was being focused on. The little girl in me, the bride-to-be in me, wanted to stand up and scream, IM GETTING MARRIED, TOO! But I didnt do that I didnt do that when our other two best friends (who were also my bridesmaids) were asked to be Maid and Matron of Honor in the other wedding, or when she browsed for wedding dresses on the day that my bridesmaids were looking at dresses to wear in my wedding, or when she announced she was using the same colors as me, or even when a slightly edited version of an email I sent to my bridesmaids was sent from her to her bridesmaids just 2 hours after mine. Nope, I kept quiet except for once but I was told, Its the time in our lives where everyone is getting married, we just have to deal with that.
I dont want to deal with that. I want to (and deserve to) to be the center of attention, the star in the spotlight, and at the least, the focus of MY bridal party. I didnt feel like those particular bridesmaids were interested and furthermore, I was starting to feel like not even a friend. I took the high road and offered to co-host a bridal party for the other bride, and I was told, Well be hitting up all the bridesmaids to help. And just like that, I was lumped into a group of people that were not lifelong friends, but just bridesmaids. I did not list out everything that had hurt my feelings over the past months and I was not mean in my request. I was honest and open, and hoped that my best friends would understand. I actually hoped that maybe just ONE of them would have apologized and asked how they could fix the situation, but no all three immediately opted out.
I am not bitter and I still 100% believe I made the right decision in asking them to step down. At least two of them have made it clear that they do not wish to be a part of my wedding planning, my wedding day, or even my life. Some of their family members have made similar decisions, which hurts, and sucks all at the same time. I do not regret my decision. All along, I had friends who were interested and involved with my wedding planning and they will be the best bridesmaids ever. And yes, its MY day so this is the one time in my life where I can soak up all of that attention. I just had to surround myself with people that could enjoy it with me and I cant express how thankful I am for each and every one of them.
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