Someone explain to me this footwear fashion phenomena these ballet slipper flat shoes. Starting with, why are they called shoes when theyre slippers?
I get that theyre cute and sassy and remind us of our childhood dream of becoming a prima ballerina. But they look like little shower caps.
And thats when theyre on your feet. When theyre off, the elastic draws them up I keep waiting for them to roll up just like the witchs feet under Dorothys house in The Wizard of Oz. Especially the striped ones. And the black ones look like hotdogs that got left on the grill too long and are now charred and shriveled.
But the colored ones are cute, and you can find them pretty cheap. And because you can stack them like Pringles, you never run out of room in your closet. Or your suitcase. Or the zip pocket in your cosmetic bag, because you can fold them and stash them anywhere.
But I dont want to be able to roll up my shoes, anymore than I want to roll up my purse. What you wear on your feet, just like what you carry over your shoulder, should be sturdy. If it were all about being able to wad up my footwear and accessories, Id just wear a pair of footies and carry a Harris Teeter bag.
I need support. I need stability. I need to be able to run across a playground without worrying about getting mulch stuck in my elastic. And I want height. I want my legs to feel long, lean and lifted, like Im in a Leggs commercial. Not short, stubby, and stomping around like Im barefooted.
And Im hearing that men dont like them because they do nothing for the calves. And in some cases, the foot itself. Im told if you have a narrow foot it looks like youre wearing an envelope. And if you have a wide foot, it looks like a sausage.
I think the only men that like those flats are Tom Cruise and Keith Urban because they bring their women to lower ground. Thats probably why Nicole Kidman married Keith after divorcing Tom she probably had a hundred pairs of those shoes and didnt want to waste them. Why do you think Katie Holmes is staying single?
I think if we want to wear dance footwear, we should all be wearing tap shoes. Theyre shiny, theyre sexy, and they make a cool sound. Wed all being moving pretty quickly if we could click through our day. A lot faster than walking around on our tiptoes.
Whatever, Im sticking with heels.