What about spring? | MomsCharlotte.com

Tracy Lee Curtis is a humorist, writer and speaker. She writes family humor for the Charlotte Observer. Her column appears each Sunday.
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What about spring?

03/26/13 22:36

What happened to spring? It’s like it got sucked back into the universe. It started with Tuesday’s headline: “Nice weather today; then the bottom falls out.” The bottom of what? The planet? Does that mean we’re not going to have Easter?

This weather thing is really messing me up. I’ve been loading up on allergy meds and short skirts, and I’ve been Googling how to make mojitos.

But this year, spring break means a break from spring.

Which is annoying because I put away all my black, and my suede, and my black suede. There’s one jacket in the coat closet, but who wants to wear corduroy when they’re buying Easter baskets?

And speaking of freezing your eggs, Easter’s the first Sunday you can bust out a lightweight dress and open-toed shoe. You’re not supposed to wear anything darker than a tertiary color. So, what am I going to do, wear a lavender silk dress with a winter coat over it? My Easter bonnet’s gonna be a wool hat.

But secretly? I’m relieved. It’s the same feeling I got when I was cramming for an exam and the teacher announced she’s pushing it back a week. It’s the gift of more time.

More time to slim down, work out, and firm up. More time to take advantage of the indoor gym. And more time to wait for the really good spring sales and get my shorts, tanks and tees for half off.

More time to talk to people about spray tans, and do they hurt, or make you look orange. Does it leave a mark when you hug someone? Does it leave a spray-tan angel in your bed when you sleep? And is it possible that if you let it spray into your hair you won’t have to get your roots touched up?

It’s more time for my kids to become certain they won’t be able to swim in the ocean, therefore not wanting to go to the beach for spring break. Which is critical to my having to tell them I wasn’t planning to take them in the first place.

More time to build up my immune system with a nightly cocktail of Benadryl, Zyrtec and Singulair. Which I’ve named Bezingulair.

More time for my car to remain red instead of green with “wash me!” written all over it.

And more time to be outside with my friends who only say “God bless you” the first 11 times I sneeze. After that, I have to go sit in the green car.

The first day of spring started without actual spring things. So what? We’re just going to be that much more prepared. We’ll look better, feel better, and will have saved a fortune in cancelled fake beach trips, and pink shorts.

And our mojitos will rock.

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