Someone stops me in the newsroom and asks if I’ve ever been to a gender reveal party.
“You mean like, when you go to a party and reveal your gender?” I ask. “No. I’ve got nothing to hide.”
From the looks on their faces I’ve clearly misunderstood what a gender reveal party is. They’re talking about baby gender. But at least I have confirmed with my co-workers that I am, indeed, a girl.
So what are they talking about? Apparently, expectant parents now throw parties to learn the gender of their unborn baby. They serve cupcakes – they have a countdown – then everybody takes a bite to reveal either a pink or blue filling inside.
Here’s how it works: The mother gets an ultrasound, the technician records the sex of the baby and seals it in an envelope. The parents take it to a bakery, where someone injects all the cupcakes with the mystery filling.
OK, there are so many things wrong with this, beginning with any “to do” list for a party that starts with “Get An Ultrasound” is a total buzz kill.
And you’re trusting whatever kid is decorating cakes that day. Have you not seen cakewrecks.com? It’s a whole website dedicated to dessert disasters. You’re gonna trust people who write “It’s A Gril” on a giant cake and don’t even catch it?
But apparently, it’s a solution when the mom-to-be wants to plan, and dad wants to be surprised. This way he gets his thrill, and she gets to hit Target. But is it really that great of a surprise? I Google gender reveal parties and find this quote:
“As I prepared to bite into the cupcake and learn the gender of our second baby, I felt the same giddy anticipation that I felt the first time around in the delivery room.”
OK, just stop. The anticipation of biting into a cupcake doesn’t remotely resemble the anticipation of pushing out a human. It just doesn’t. And what a letdown, you’ve had this big party and this big reveal and “It’s a Girl!” and everyone’s hugging and kissing and high-fiving and there’s just one little thing missing . . . the BABY.
If you wait to have the gender revealed at the hospital, you get to take home a child. If you reveal it at a party, the only thing you get to take home is leftover cupcakes and the rest of the keg.
And what if the nurse writes it down wrong? What if the cake decorator is colorblind? What if pink to him, is actually purple – purple is the combination of pink and blue. Then what do you tell people? They’ll think it’s one of each. They’ll think it’s twins. Which actually would make things exciting . . .
But I still think my idea of a gender reveal party is better.