Save Money in this Sunday's paper

comments

Laugh Attacks

CONAN O’BRIEN

“Today, North Koreans celebrated the 101st birthday of their country’s founder. He famously said, ‘Let’s have a crappy version of South Korea. We can do that.’ ”


“Happy birthday to Israel. The country of Israel turned 65. Now that it’s 65, Israel plans to retire and move to Florida.”


“Dennis Rodman claims the FBI wants to hire him as an informant. That makes sense because the first thing you want to do is to tell everyone you’re an FBI informant.”


“A new study came out that shows that the germiest place in your kitchen is the refrigerator’s vegetable drawer. After hearing this, most Americans said, ‘We have a vegetable drawer?’ ”


“(Last week) at the White House, President Obama sang with Justin Timberlake. It’s being called the blackest thing President Obama has ever done.”


“According to a new report, Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne’s 30-year marriage is over. After hearing this, Ozzy said, ‘I was married?’ ”


JAY LENO

“North Korean officials reportedly are planning a cyber attack on the U.S. in an effort to bring our economy to a halt. Nice try guys. You’re five years too late.”


“According to a new study, our views on immigration are changing. For example, when asked if they support a path to citizenship, 40 percent of the respondents said, ‘Si.’ ”


“Baseball commissioner Bud Selig has announced the creation of a diversity task force. He said it’s time for baseball to begin letting in players who are not on steroids.”


JIMMY FALLON

“Things are still very tense in North Korea. In fact, world leaders are still waiting to see if Kim Jong-un is going to actually fire a missile after this week’s deadline came and went. Apparently what happened was he messed up and bought Mentos and regular Coke.”


“Iran is gearing up for a big presidential election in June. Yeah, this year it’s gonna be a tight race between Ahmadinejad and the guy they picked to lose to Ahmadinejad.”


BILL MAHER

“Stop buying the hype about North Korea. … This is why your taxes are so high, because they scare you into giving your money to the Pentagon.”

“John Boehner said today he wants to take away North Korea’s missiles, but he won’t because that’s a slippery slope from there to gun control.”


“A college in North Carolina had a lockdown all day today because someone saw an armed man on campus. Students were told to stay inside, lock your doors, crawl under your bed, and enjoy your freedom.”


“Congressman Jeff Duncan today said background checks could lead to a national gun database, which would lead to genocide like in Rwanda when the Hutus slaughtered the Tutsis. See, this is why we should not get our hopes up for a gun control bill. It’s like talking about fire safety with a pyromaniac.”

Hide Comments

This affects comments on all stories.

Cancel OK

The Charlotte Observer welcomes your comments on news of the day. The more voices engaged in conversation, the better for us all, but do keep it civil. Please refrain from profanity, obscenity, spam, name-calling or attacking others for their views.

Have a news tip? You can send it to a local news editor; email local@charlotteobserver.com to send us your tip - or - consider joining the Public Insight Network and become a source for The Charlotte Observer.

  Read more



Hide Comments

This affects comments on all stories.

Cancel OK

The Charlotte Observer welcomes your comments on news of the day. The more voices engaged in conversation, the better for us all, but do keep it civil. Please refrain from profanity, obscenity, spam, name-calling or attacking others for their views.

Have a news tip? You can send it to a local news editor; email local@charlotteobserver.com to send us your tip - or - consider joining the Public Insight Network and become a source for The Charlotte Observer.

  Read more


Quick Job Search
Salary Databases
Your 2 Cents
Share your opinion with our Partners
Learn More