Rainy days... | MomsCharlotte.com

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I am a mother of three, sharing my journey of hope and survival following the loss of our son...

Rainy days...

By Carolina Sonshine on 04/29/13 23:19
Charlotte Observer

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And so the countdown to the day it all began has begun…

Consecutive rainy days make it harder to handle… When the skies continually stay cold and gray, when damp air greets the opening of every door, it is difficult to find, much less maintain a positive outlook. When you struggle daily against darkness gaining a foothold in your heart, it’s easy to forget the sun still shines behind those heavy skies…

We are all feeling it and sometimes we fight it, with varying degrees of success… The closer it gets, though, the easier it is to let it rip…right into each other… You would think by this point in the journey, we could control ourselves better, but we don’t…

It always starts with impatience… Moves right along to passive-aggressive commentaries… Then hurt feelings… Followed by outright anger and confrontation… Icy silence rounds out the pattern…and then it starts all over again. Our cracked façade of civility slowly disintegrates into chaos, and though I’ve tried, I cannot seem to break the cycle any more than I can stop time from passing by...

Molehills become mountains; casual statements are dissected for hidden meaning; less than an immediate response to a query or comment is viewed as disrespect; the list of petty misunderstandings goes on and on. Even when deliberately taking care to tread lightly and stay calm, things escalate. The closer we get to June 12th, the more likely it is to occur.

Why do we continue to act this way? We know the underlying cause, and yet we take out the ache on each other, the very people who understand the pain best.

Logically, it makes no sense; we should be kinder, not callous and inconsiderate… But affairs of the heart seldom follow the path of reason, especially when grief has ripped it apart…

In years past, I was the peacemaker; this time around I have a hair trigger as well, which helps no one…

It has to stop, because nothing good comes from this pointless confrontation.

I’ve decided to reinforce a better attitude by modeling the “fruits of the spirit”; I’ll be writing one on my hand each day until June as a reminder of how I want to be…

The first is “love”, which is perfect, since we all have times when we are not so easy to love. How could I forget?

“All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.”-Saint Francis of Assisi

Wishing you many blessings…tg

Tammy will update her blog twice weekly…

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