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Soccer moms are no stylish slouches

By Tracy Curtis
Tracy Lee Curtis
Tracy Lee Curtis is a humorist, writer and speaker. She writes family humor for the Charlotte Observer. Her column appears each Sunday.

In the 2002 movie “Catch Me If You Can,” Leo DiCaprio plays Frank Jr. with Christopher Walken as his dad. At one point Walken asks his son, “You know why the Yankees always win, Frank?”

And his son replies “Cause they have Mickey Mantle?”

And Dad says, “No, it’s cause the other teams can’t stop staring at those damn pinstripes.”

That’s the line I keep thinking about today, as I look at all these soccer moms. I’m wearing my mom uniform of shorts and T-shirt just like them. But they have pinstripes. They have … accessories.

I don’t think I ever thought about accessorizing shorts and a T-shirt when heading out to the fields. I might put on a hat – but it’s not a fashion statement by any means, as it’s the hat with the biggest bill to keep me from hyper-aging every Saturday morning.

Some of these gals took the extra step. And the closer I look, it really doesn’t take much to turn a T-shirt and shorts into a cute little ensemble.

Like they add a spring scarf. Just wrapping something light and colorful around your neck takes you from slobby to stylish in an instant. But you gotta make it look like you just threw it on. It can’t look deliberate or perfectly tied. It must appear to be that whimsical little after-thought – the item you just grabbed off the hook by the front door.

Or add a belt. And here again, think pinstripe. Think skinny, hot pink patent leather belt with little studs in it. Just that thin strip of color pops that plain ole shirt and shorts – add the matching hot pink flip-flops and you’ve got yourself an outfit.

Cardigan’s tied loosely around the shoulders. Dangly earrings. Long casual sweaters, paired with twisty, sparkly bracelets. Am I the only one who was packing a cooler this morning? Because while I was icing down vitamin water, they had to be digging through their jewelry boxes.

And I think they’re wearing makeup. I just wear the biggest aviator sunglasses I can find that cover my whole face. I can put on lip gloss and still have time to shove all the tailgate chairs back in their cases before I load the car. See, I was always just trying to blend in. But I see now, the only people I’m blending in with are the dads. And maybe the refs.

Speaking of tailgate chairs, even that apparently needs a chic upgrade. Now you bring a quilted blanket to sit on, pull out your colorful water bottles and serve little orange slices from your fashionable, insulated cooler tote bag, which just so happens to match your belt.

I don’t know. Might just be easier to wear pinstripes.

tcurtis@charlotteobserver.com
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