A sinking feeling... | MomsCharlotte.com


I am a mother of three, sharing my journey of hope and survival following the loss of our son...

A sinking feeling...

By Carolina Sonshine on 05/18/13 20:04
Charlotte Observer

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You know how you get that sinking feeling that you’ve really messed up in a big way, but you’re not quite sure what you did? Then all of a sudden, it hits you…and it’s all you can do to keep from losing it…

I did something today that I haven’t done a single time in four years…

I didn’t realize it until I was sitting at a red light down the road from the high school I had just been to, speaking to a driver’s ed class…

When Jerry and I walked out, I rolled my ‘teacher cart’ to the back passenger side of my car and then pushed hers down the road to load into her SUV.

After helping her, I returned along the driver’s side of the parked vehicles instead of the way I came; I got into my car and left the parking lot.

I also left my cart behind.

Once I realized my mistake, I made a u-turn and doubled back.

I parked again, got out and looked around, hoping and praying that someone moved it to the sidewalk or into the grass.

A teenager sitting on the steps yelled over, “Your stuff is gone. Somebody stole it. You can’t leave anything out around here. People will take it. You’re too late.”

I frantically looked around the circular driveway. “What? Who took it? Did you see where they went?” My voice crept up a couple of octaves as I fought the panic threatening to choke me…

About that time, two young men jogged by and one said, "She’s just messing with you; it ain’t gone. It’s inside the building."

I quickly walked over to the doors at the front of the school, passing the spot where the young woman was sitting; she looked at me and reiterated her first statement, as if I didn’t fully understand the magnitude of my screw-up. "This is “XXXXXXXX High School; you can’t leave nothing around here. It’ll get gone."

I locked eyes with her; "I don’t know why anyone would want it; it’s just bracelets and stuff to do with my son who died in a car accident five years ago. It wouldn’t mean anything to anybody but me."

By this point, tears were streaming down my face…

Surprisingly, she had nothing else to say.

I recovered my cart and left the school for a second time.

Although it was clear a search of some sort had been conducted, everything appeared to be intact.

Was someone searching for contact information? Maybe.

Were they looking for something of value? Most likely.

Either way, they missed both.

I don’t know what I would have done had Brian’s phone been gone. I could easily replace all of the other things: more bracelets, story sheets, pictures, and CD’s would be no problem. His old phone, though, is irreplaceable…

I’ve never been scared going to any high school to share Brian’s Story and carry on the mission on my heart. I must admit, however, this young lady’s attitude towards me and my stupid mistake gave me pause…

Nevertheless, I won’t be deterred. The problem of distracted driving doesn’t discriminate; neither will I. Despite her meanness, I will carry on, wherever I'm called.

God was looking out for me today…as long as He is for me, then who can be against me?

It is that time again...incredibly, we have survived nearly five years since losing Brian. Please, don't use your phone while driving. If you need a 'Remember Brian 06-12-08' bracelet to help you remember to be smarter than your phone, just ask. They are free. We don't want anyone else to lose their life over the press of a button... rememberbrian@mindspring.com

Tammy will update her blog twice weekly…

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