Save Money in this Sunday's paper

comments

Laugh Attacks

JAY LENO

“According to the Boston Globe, First Lady Michelle Obama and her daughters will stay on Martha’s Vineyard for the summer. You can tell President Obama is getting a little defensive. When a reporter asked him about the trip, he said he had no prior knowledge of the vacation, he just learned about it from the media.”


“White House officials insist that President Obama knew nothing about the IRS scandal until we all heard about it in the news last week. They said because there was an investigation under way, it would have been inappropriate to tell him. And besides, he was too busy not knowing anything about Benghazi.”

“Casual Friday (yesterday) in the Obama White House. Which means they’re casually going through everyone’s phone records.”


“Time magazine found a picture of President Obama at his high school prom back in 1979. Let me tell you how long ago that was. Back then, Obama had to ask a girl for her phone number. He couldn’t illegally obtain it through the Justice Department.”


“It is not looking good for President Obama. Today, his teleprompter took the fifth. In fact, the White House has changed their slogan from, ‘Yes, we can’ to ‘No, I can’t remember.’ ”


“As you may have heard, New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie recently had lap band surgery. And some sad news: today the lap band snapped and killed five bystanders.”


CONAN O’BRIEN

“During a Senate hearing yesterday, Senator John McCain said it was too hard to always have to update apps on his iPhone. No one has the heart to tell him the device he was holding was a garage door opener.”


“McCain also wanted to know how often he should feed Siri.”

“A new international poll finds the least popular country in the world is Iran. After hearing this, North Korea said, ‘What do we have to do?’ ”


“A lot of people are criticizing President Obama, including Michelle Obama. She recently said she could take a whole afternoon and talk about Barack’s failures. She was immediately hired by Fox News.”


“According to a new survey, white Americans are more likely to see President Obama as angry than black Americans. After hearing about it, Obama got really angry – according to white Americans.”


DAVID LETTERMAN

“I feel bad for Barack Obama. He’s got the Benghazi scandal, the IRS scandal, and the FBI wiretapping phones. The president is in so much trouble politically, he’s thinking about killing bin Laden again.”


JIMMY KIMMEL

“Pope Francis made an extremely controversial statement. He says he believes anyone can go to heaven if you do good deeds, even atheists. Some Catholics were upset by his comments because it means we wasted a lot of Sundays going to church.”

Hide Comments

This affects comments on all stories.

Cancel OK

The Charlotte Observer welcomes your comments on news of the day. The more voices engaged in conversation, the better for us all, but do keep it civil. Please refrain from profanity, obscenity, spam, name-calling or attacking others for their views.

Have a news tip? You can send it to a local news editor; email local@charlotteobserver.com to send us your tip - or - consider joining the Public Insight Network and become a source for The Charlotte Observer.

  Read more



Hide Comments

This affects comments on all stories.

Cancel OK

The Charlotte Observer welcomes your comments on news of the day. The more voices engaged in conversation, the better for us all, but do keep it civil. Please refrain from profanity, obscenity, spam, name-calling or attacking others for their views.

Have a news tip? You can send it to a local news editor; email local@charlotteobserver.com to send us your tip - or - consider joining the Public Insight Network and become a source for The Charlotte Observer.

  Read more


Quick Job Search
Salary Databases
Your 2 Cents
Share your opinion with our Partners
Learn More