The sun simply doesn’t shine as brightly as it did five years ago. Perhaps my eyes can no longer bear its brilliance, knowing one of my own can no longer see it too, or maybe the veil of grief has dimmed my sight such that even a big burning ball in the sky cannot eclipse the darkness inside…
The closer we get to the dreaded day, the less we get along. Early into this journey I figured out we all have moments when we are not so easy to love, but it’s especially difficult when we all simultaneously fall into the unlovable category…
It doesn’t take much going awry in the world outside our shuttered doors to exacerbate the effect.
The completion date of a big project I’ve been working on for almost four months got delayed again, despite my constant vigilance and follow-up.
Sunday night’s storms knocked the office computer system offline and full functionality has yet to be restored, which complicated John’s schedule and routine.
I delivered John’s lunch to the farmhouse and walked into one of his full-on rants, so I exited quickly and left him to fume all alone.
On my way home, a fellow driver went out of his way to give me the finger because he thought he had the right-of-way at the light.
The girls came in from work about five minutes apart and in short order launched into a heated argument about their patients’ care…
By the time dinner was done, none of us were speaking to each other.
I needed to escape the awful atmosphere, to hide for a moment to reset my state of mind, so I locked myself in the bathroom and pulled out a new devotional book. I randomly flipped to a day in May and began to read… It was entitled ‘Trust and Sadness’ and spoke of a family who had lost a child years ago. It ended with the following:
“I have been through the valley of weeping,
The valley of sorrow and pain;
But the God of all comfort was with me,
At hand to uphold and sustain.”-Garlock
What are the chances I would open this book to the exact page with a story written by a bereaved parent and ending with a quote by someone sharing my last name?
A definite sign, right on time, straight to the heart of the matter… I showed it to John and later on, Beth. It reminded us that we are not alone on this journey… He is with us and we are with each other.
There is comfort in that, if we stop long enough to remember.
It is that time again...incredibly, we have survived nearly five years since losing Brian. Please, don't use your phone while driving. If you need a 'Remember Brian 06-12-08' bracelet to help you remember to be smarter than your phone, just ask. They are free. We don't want anyone else to lose their life over the press of a button... firstname.lastname@example.org
Tammy will update her blog twice weekly…