Remembering then... | MomsCharlotte.com

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I am a mother of three, sharing my journey of hope and survival following the loss of our son...

Remembering then...

By Carolina Sonshine on 06/09/13 23:56
Charlotte Observer

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It is simply not possible to prepare yourself for someone to utter the unthinkable: “I’m sorry, but your son didn’t make it; he died.”

I didn’t think we could possibly survive the reality of those awful words five years ago, and yet somehow, by God’s grace and with the help of family and determined friends, here we are…

My family despises this time of year. Before everything changed, it was the period we most looked forward to. The end of school, beginning of summer, vacation just around the corner…

Instead, we live in dread of the day when our old life ended. Although it is not possible for us to lose Brian again, the heaviness and anxiety grow every day, and will subside only after the 12th of June has come and gone.

Passive-aggressiveness and lashing out have given way to spontaneous crying jags and lengthy stretches of silence. We try to stay busy and distracted, but the memory of what happened lurks just beneath our layers of activity, bubbling up and bursting forth during quieter moments…

Truthfully, we don’t know where to be or how to act; if alone, we want company; if home, we wish to be out. Once again, we feel strange within our own skin, wanting to be someone else, somewhere else, just for a little while, until the anniversary of the day this nightmare began is over for another three hundred and sixty-five days…

Our problem cannot be solved, only endured. Praying for extra strength in the coming days…

“Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.”-Seneca

It is that time again...incredibly, we have survived nearly five years since losing Brian. Please, don't use your phone while driving. If you need a 'Remember Brian 06-12-08' bracelet to help you remember to be smarter than your phone, just ask. They are free. We don't want anyone else to lose their life over the press of a button... rememberbrian@mindspring.com

Tammy will update her blog twice weekly…

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