Loving Advice... | MomsCharlotte.com

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I am a mother of three, sharing my journey of hope and survival following the loss of our son...

Loving Advice...

By Carolina Sonshine on 06/30/13 22:30
Charlotte Observer

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“Nothing stands out so conspicuously, or remains so firmly fixed in the memory, as something which you have blundered.” –Cicero

There are a million and one ways in which your child can break your heart…or your heart breaks for them…

What do you say when one of them tells you she’s decided love is a mirage? A shimmering illusion in the distance that vanishes once you move closer to it?

Both of our daughters tend to be cautious in relationships, though one has become even more so than before; it is but one of the many ways she changed after losing her brother.

If loving someone meant experiencing a similar sort of pain someday, then she wanted no part of it. Which is not to say she hasn’t dated over the last five years; rather that she’s kept a close watch on her heart and walked away before losing any part of it…

Things changed late last year…

She asked my advice about going out with a friend as more than a friend…should she risk a great friendship for the potential of something more?

Warning bells went off…such questions have historically been dangerous territory for me. I thought carefully before I said, “Why not? At least you know you have things in common and that he’s not just looking for one thing. Seems like you have a great foundation to build upon… But I would be careful; take things slow. You could end up disliking each other if this doesn’t work out.”

Ultimately she decided to start dating a young man she befriended shortly after Brian died.

Seven months down the road, things haven’t worked out the way she (and we) hoped.

Was it all a mistake? Time will tell. Should I have kept my mouth shut and offered no opinion? Probably. I hate to think I swayed her decision-making process in one direction or another, but isn’t that what parents do, accidentally or on purpose?

Love really is a battlefield, in more respects than one…

Tammy will update her blog twice weekly…

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