Only a Dream | MomsCharlotte.com

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Only a Dream

By Carolina Sonshine on 07/05/13 11:54
Charlotte Observer

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I woke up with wet eyes and a damp pillowcase, enjoying a brief respite from reality before my old sorrowful awareness kicked in. Even if I hadn’t remembered after awakening, my tear-stained pillow would have told me all I needed to know. It’s been a while since Brian visited me in my dreams…

He appears infrequently; none of us know why it happens or when it will occur. If we did, I’ve no doubt that we’d do our best to make sure it happened every day.

I react the same way each time…

“We’ve missed you so much! I’m so glad to see you…I knew you’d come back-what took you so long? We’ve got to find your dad…”

Even though we weren’t standing together, Brian looked directly at me and I knew he understood everything I said. As usual, he said nothing in return. In this dream, we were across from each other in the mall area at Butler, surrounded by hundreds of students. For some reason, the kids had taken up a collection of money to give to him... B worked the room, talking to and high-fiving kids before disappearing into the crowd as I tried to get closer…

It never fails: he shows up and then takes off before I can grab hold and lock him into an everlasting bears hug.

My mom and grandma always told me it was a bad omen to touch someone deceased while dreaming, but it hasn’t stopped me from trying whenever he’s appeared. Maybe it’s because I never had the chance to say good-bye…or because I know how much John wants to see him again. I cannot help myself…

The joy I feel from his appearance quickly fades when I realize he’s gone again; I suppose the tears I shed while sleeping are simply the work of my subconscious mind acknowledging the devastation borne by my heart.

Tammy will update her blog twice weekly…

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