Save Money in this Sunday's paper

comments

Laugh Attacks

JAY LENO

“President Obama told a group of school children that broccoli was his favorite food, and they believed him. Then he told them Obamacare would reduce the deficit and the kids all busted out laughing.”


“NSA leaker Edward Snowden has filed for asylum in Russia, but Vladimir Putin is against it. You know, if Snowden really wants to stay in Russia he should just speak out against Putin. He’ll get to stay in Russia the rest of his life.”


“We are proud to say that Los Angeles has one of the lowest crime rates of any major city. You know why? We don’t have an NFL team.”

“According to The Washington Post, the NSA has been monitoring phone calls and emails of people in Mexico. So apparently it’s not enough to spy on American citizens, they feel they have to spy on FUTURE American citizens as well.”


“The U.S. government had a $116.5 billion surplus in June. Officials say they are now conducting an investigation to see what went wrong.”


DAVID LETTERMAN

“Great news for NSA leaker Edward Snowden. He’s just been named Cinnabon Customer of the Month in the Moscow Airport.”


“The United States is no longer the fattest country in the world. Please help us, Paula Deen. We’re no longer the fattest country in the world. That’s why they’re bringing back Twinkies. The fattest people in the world now are Mexicans. And that’s, of course, because they’re all living here.”


“It turns out the Pakistan police pulled Osama bin Laden over for speeding. Pulled him over and wrote the guy a ticket. So listen. I don’t want to hear any more of this nonsense about Pakistan being lenient on Osama bin Laden, OK?”

JIMMY FALLON

“A new study found that Americans are exercising more than ever but still not losing much weight. Not good — in fact, it’s all I could think about on my jog to Dunkin’ Donuts.”


“Conservative rock star Ted Nugent says that he is thinking about running for president in 2016. Nugent said it’s always been his dream. Then Democrats said, ‘Ours too!’ ”


CONAN O’BRIEN

“McDonald’s plans to open its first restaurant in Vietnam. So it looks like we might win that war after all.”


“A recent study says the state that drinks the most beer is North Dakota. In fact, one night North Dakota got so drunk, it woke up next to West Virginia.”


“DC Comics has released a new comic in which Superman kills someone. At the end, he’s signed by the New England Patriots.”


BILL MAHER

“People in Florida are pretty worried about the Zimmerman acquittal. They’re trying so hard to get black people to stay in their homes, it looks like election day down there.”

Hide Comments

This affects comments on all stories.

Cancel OK

The Charlotte Observer welcomes your comments on news of the day. The more voices engaged in conversation, the better for us all, but do keep it civil. Please refrain from profanity, obscenity, spam, name-calling or attacking others for their views.

Have a news tip? You can send it to a local news editor; email local@charlotteobserver.com to send us your tip - or - consider joining the Public Insight Network and become a source for The Charlotte Observer.

  Read more



Hide Comments

This affects comments on all stories.

Cancel OK

The Charlotte Observer welcomes your comments on news of the day. The more voices engaged in conversation, the better for us all, but do keep it civil. Please refrain from profanity, obscenity, spam, name-calling or attacking others for their views.

Have a news tip? You can send it to a local news editor; email local@charlotteobserver.com to send us your tip - or - consider joining the Public Insight Network and become a source for The Charlotte Observer.

  Read more


Quick Job Search
Salary Databases
Your 2 Cents
Share your opinion with our Partners
Learn More
CharlotteObserver.com