Okay, Im back from vacation. Can you believe Ive been paddleboarding this whole time? No I havent. But I did try it. Thats the cool thing about summer.
They wont let me come back to Camp Greystone something about an age limit. But they cant stop me from trying new activities during my summer.
So SUP. When I first see this printed on my paddleboard, I think its a question and I look right at it and say, Ill tell you sup, its ME. On top of this board in about five minutes, thats whats SUP!
Turns out it stands for Stand Up Paddling. And I need more than five minutes. This things not stable. I should have practiced on something. Like maybe an ironing board, laid over a bed of marbles.
I figure crawling onto it is the way to go. But if you put your right hand and right knee down, you tip over to the right. Both hands down, tips you forward. Both knees, tips you back. You really need to put one hand and the opposite knee down at the same time, but I left the Twister mat back at the house. So I just lie down and hump onto it like a seal.
If my paddle werent trapped under me I wouldnt stand up. But seeing as how theres a 42-foot yacht anchored ahead, I scramble to all fours. And hope I drift into it in time for happy hour.
My kids paddle by and remind me this is a sport, not a water park ride. So I shake and quiver up to standing, as a couple whizzes by in a paddleboat, rippling the water beneath me. Now I know why this is such a great workout. When youre fighting to stay mounted to a piece of slippery plastic by white-knuckling with your toes, youre gonna use a few muscles. Ive never been so happy to have a hammer toe.
And then its fun. Once my muscles relax and my toes uncurl, its actually pretty awesome. Its scenic and quiet, and its a unique sensation because its like youre walking across water. And your children cant touch you.
But you cant touch them either. So when my son falls off his board, Im helpless. Thankfully, he pops right back up. And all I can think is: No way Ill be able to hook my hammer toe around this board tight enough to pull myself back on if I have to go in after somebody.
And then time is up, and I paddle slowly back to the dock. I take a different tack on my dismount I figure best to just slam right into the dock and jump. Works great, just hold your paddle low so it doesnt hit people in the teeth.
Now about that happy hour