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Geraldo needs a better explanation for naked tweeting

By Tracy Curtis
Tracy Lee Curtis
Tracy Lee Curtis is a humorist, writer and speaker. She writes family humor for the Charlotte Observer. Her column appears each Sunday.

Can someone please explain naked tweeting? Because I don’t get it. I’ll use the latest Twitter twit, Geraldo Rivera, as an example, because his story only confuses me more.

So Geraldo tweets a photo of himself standing in front of his bathroom mirror barely covered by a towel. Typical naked tweet, but how does this happen exactly?

I can see how you might wind up in front of a bathroom mirror thinking your workouts are starting to pay off. Maybe you flex, determine your best side; maybe you even talk to yourself: “Hey man, you look GOOD.” (I have no idea what they say.)

But it’s something like that, because how else do you get your phone involved? And here again – I don’t know where my phone is right now, but I know where it’s not, and that’s the bathroom. So do they say to themselves “hold that thought” and go get their phone? Or is it tucked in the towel?

Whatever, they get the phone. Now here, I’d be feeling silly taking my picture in the mirror. Particularly since I’d be wearing a big furry robe. But OK, you take the picture and it looks good, and you have proof that you did right in buying the unlimited monthly yoga pass. Go to bed, sleep easy.

But here’s where it gets nutty. In Geraldo’s case, he’s had a few. Tequila. In terms of combinations, this is a bad one – naked Geraldo with a phone and tequila. And did I mention he’s wearing his signature red shades? So add to the combination that he’s looking at himself through rose-colored glasses.

Then decides who to share the photo with.

I can’t think of anyone who wants to see me standing in my mirror in a furry robe wearing my readers. Maybe after a few tequila shots, I might send it to my yoga instructor and tell her I need the yearly pass. But Geraldo’s story was:

“I was like a geriatric male version of the wicked queen in Snow White who keeps asking her mirror, ’Who is the fairest of them all?’ ”

Is that Jose Cuervo or Patron? Because I want some. Along with Cinderella’s ball gown and a pair of glass slippers. I thought going to dinner with my girlfriends was a fun night, but obviously I’m doing it wrong.

And then the caption – because what’s a Disney fantasy bathroom tweet without a caption? “70 is the new 50.” Now HERE is where I get on board. Only because I hope it’s true, as this new math makes 40 the new 20. And if naked Geraldo is what I had to see to get this little nugget, it was worth it. Thank you, Geraldo, you made my day.

Now seriously – where do you go to get glass slippers?

tcurtis@charlotteobserver.com
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