Save Money in this Sunday's paper

comments

Laugh Attacks

STEPHEN COLBERT

“Some unelected, activist judge has rejected Stop and Frisk on the bizarre theory that minorities have the constitutional right not to be stopped at random and manhandled by strangers. Despite the fact that when the Constitution was written, minorities weren’t even invented yet.”


DAVID LETTERMAN

“So former President George W. Bush had to go into the hospital, had a little heart surgery and he’s OK, but he blames it all on the fatty foods served by White House butler Forest Whitaker.”


“Doctors told him to avoid any heavy exertion, so that means no reading. He had a little touch of coronary artery disease. One of his arteries was clogged with old Al Gore ballots.”


“Recently, in one of the New York City subway cars, they found a dead shark. Other passengers just thought he was sleeping so they didn’t say anything. The Transit authority suspects foul play.”


“This is bad for the city because now there’s been a huge drop in marine predator tourism. People used to laugh at me for carrying a spear gun on the subway, but who’s laughing now?”


CONAN O’BRIEN

“Mayor Filner of San Diego has had 14 women come forward alleging that he sexually harassed them. In San Diego, Hooters restaurants are refusing to serve Filner because they say he’s disrespectful to women in his office. The CEO said there’s a time and a place to be disrespectful to women and that’s at a Hooters.”


“According to a new report, Tulsa, Oklahoma, has the lowest rent in the country. Yeah, nice try Tulsa, but we’re still not moving there.”


“The NFL is considering hiring a mother of three to be a referee. They wanted someone who’s used to giving time-outs.”


JIMMY KIMMEL

“We have music tonight from Big Sean. You know, before you do rap, they make you decide if you’re big or little.”


JESSICA WILLIAMS

“If anything, Stop and Frisk doesn’t go far enough. People need to accept this program as a fact of urban life. And right now, I’m standing in one of New York’s most crime-ridden neighborhoods ... I’m on Wall Street.”


“Frankly, I don’t feel safe here and I would like to see the police do their job and start stopping people -- people you suspect of being white-collar criminals. You know, walking around in tailored suits, slicked back hair, always needing sun screen, if you know what I’m saying.”


“I know this isn’t comfortable, but if you don’t want to be associated with white collar crime, maybe you shouldn’t dress that way.”


“Isn’t (Stop and Frisk) worth a slight inconvenience to their day if it means stopping just one investment bank from betting against the same product it’s selling?”

Hide Comments

This affects comments on all stories.

Cancel OK

The Charlotte Observer welcomes your comments on news of the day. The more voices engaged in conversation, the better for us all, but do keep it civil. Please refrain from profanity, obscenity, spam, name-calling or attacking others for their views.

Have a news tip? You can send it to a local news editor; email local@charlotteobserver.com to send us your tip - or - consider joining the Public Insight Network and become a source for The Charlotte Observer.

  Read more



Hide Comments

This affects comments on all stories.

Cancel OK

The Charlotte Observer welcomes your comments on news of the day. The more voices engaged in conversation, the better for us all, but do keep it civil. Please refrain from profanity, obscenity, spam, name-calling or attacking others for their views.

Have a news tip? You can send it to a local news editor; email local@charlotteobserver.com to send us your tip - or - consider joining the Public Insight Network and become a source for The Charlotte Observer.

  Read more


Quick Job Search
Salary Databases
Your 2 Cents
Share your opinion with our Partners
Learn More
CharlotteObserver.com