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This Halloween, mom trick-or-treats

By Tracy Lee Curtis
Tracy Lee Curtis
Tracy Lee Curtis is a humorist, writer and speaker. She writes family humor for the Charlotte Observer. Her column appears each Sunday.

I told the kids we’re going to mix things up this Halloween. This year, I’m going to dress up with my friends and go trick-or-treating, and they’re gonna stay home and answer the door 200 times and hand out candy.

Problem is, I haven’t done it in a while, and I’m sure it’s changed since I was a little girl. So I checked out the Reader’s Digest “7 Trick-or-Treating Safety Tips” …

1 Plan a route in advance. Trick-or-treating could take you several streets away from your house, which can cause sore legs and a bit of frustration.

Good tip. I don’t drive anywhere without a GPS, so why would I wander around in the dark on foot without mapping out a route. And because I’m going as Cinderella at the ball, I’ll be wearing glass slippers, so getting lost is not an option.

2 Avoid masks. Masks can make it difficult for you to see or breathe.

I really like this one – not because I was going to wear one, but because I don’t want my friends to. I wouldn’t be able to tell who’s who, and none of us can see anymore as it is, much less try to find our way looking through those tiny eye holes. Or read candy wrappers without our readers. So good, no masks.

3 Stay well-lit.

That’s easy, we’re going to have a little pre-party at my house first, and I’m going to make Bayou Slimes. They’re like creamy mojitos.

4 Make sure all costumes are short. Long costumes that drag on the ground can be dangerous, especially at night.

Nooo! I really wanted to wear my Cinderella ball gown!! A short costume? Well that’s basically Daisy Duke, Dallas Cowboys cheerleader or Wonder Woman. But they’re so dated. I could do Miley Cyrus at the VMAs. Or one I saw online, Purple Jolly Rancher, a tiny little purple dress the actual size of a candy wrapper. Hmmm … twerk or treat?

5 Wear comfy shoes.

Oh for heaven’s sake, this is messing me all up. Granted the glass slippers would be out, but Wonder Woman, Daisy and the cheerleaders all wear high heel boots.

6 Use flexible props. Make sure it is rubber or plastic.

Daisy Duke didn’t have props. At least not ones that she carried. So that leaves the pom poms or the golden lasso of truth, both flexible and safe. I think I’ll just go as Wonder Woman – that lasso will come in handy when I have to lead around one of the other moms who’s dressed like Kim Kardashian and is wearing a mask and a 5-inch Jimmy Choo.

7 Check your child’s candy.

Oh, I always do that. I’ll be sure to get out all my favorites – Kit Kats, Milky Ways, and M&M’s. And then hide them in the freezer.

And then burn the lasso of truth.

tcurtis@charlotteobserver.com
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