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I am a mother of three, sharing my journey of hope and survival following the loss of our son...

Forgotten, temporarily

By Carolina Sonshine on 11/26/13 22:53
Charlotte Observer
  • Let's Dance BETH GARLOCK

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As the hours rolled by without a word, a tiny kernel hardened in my heart.  “How could he?” I thought…  My glimmer of hope flickered until at long last, it sputtered out.

 

 

 

He couldn’t say he wasn’t told in advance. I reminded him, repeatedly, throughout the month leading up to it... 

 

 

 

John is prone to tunnel vision when he tackles new projects; he becomes obsessive and single-minded of purpose in his quest to conquer the challenge before him. This tendency kicks into a higher gear when his brother is collaborating on the endeavor, and it ratchets up again when it happens to occur during this time of year…

 

 

 

After being together for so long, I know this about him; even so, those same years of familiarity worked against him in this instance.  Why now?  His forgetfulness stung and despite my determination to laugh it off, I had a hard time letting it go.

 

 

 

I waited until the very end of the day to point out that he’d missed it.  Around suppertime, my aunt sent well-wishes via text, and it was then that I decided to clue him in.  I gave him the card I’d carefully selected for the occasion, after I read her message out loud.

 

 

 

He realized he’d blown it, big time. The problem: he’d forgotten our wedding anniversary.

 

 

 

He apologized, and then attempted to justify his absent-mindedness by reminding me the current project had been planned months ago.

 

 

 

I couldn’t help but remind him that our anniversary had been on the calendar for decades.

 

 

 

When we moved in 2006, I purposely hung a picture above our bed lest either of us forget; our wedding date is cross-stitched at the bottom, plain as day…

 

 

 

He admitted he’d messed up and offered no further excuses.

 

 

 

I told John I was okay about it, and for the most part, I was.  Thankfully, I’m much wiser about such things than the younger version of myself...  Clearly, we have been through far worse together. Nevertheless, I couldn’t drop it without more discussion.  On the one hand, I didn’t want to give him a lot of grief about it; there was no malice intended on his part.  He didn’t mean to hurt my feelings. On the other hand, I felt giving him a pass might be misinterpreted as a lack of caring or interest on my part.  I’ve seen firsthand the impact of neglecting and taking one’s spouse for granted, and it’s not pretty.

 

 

 

This mattered to me and I wanted to be sure it mattered to him.

 

 

 

Our marriage isn’t anything like the fluff found in fairy tales; I believe its better.  We’re willing to accept each other’s flaws and failures, forgiving and working past them, knowing we’re stronger together than we ever were apart…

 

 

 

 

 

“We are not here to see through one another. We are here to see one another through.”-Carol Matthau

 

 

 

 

 

Tammy will update her blog twice weekly…

 

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