Q: I know this is a petty thing to worry about, but my 10-year-old is really fond of her best friends mother. Shes constantly talking about how cool she is, and they share a lot of interests (making crafts and baking). It really seems sometimes that they have more of a relationship than we do. The woman is perfectly nice, but now I feel irritated by her and I try to discourage them spending time together. Please help.
A: Its not petty. It stings, and understandably so. But part of watching your children grow up is watching them develop truly meaningful relationships with other adults.
Your daughter has someone in her life who shares her interests thats exactly what it takes a village is all about. And thank goodness that this village has people who will bake, shoot hoops or explain physics homework better than we can. Our own parenting benefits from these villagers, and our kids lives are enriched by them many times over. Trust in the importance of your role, which cant be duplicated. And remember that quality time doesnt necessitate being clones of each other.
Is her guy too metrosexual?
Q: Are men who are really into their appearance more likely to cheat than other guys? My friends say so. I am dating a guy who is definitely metrosexual and my friends say I should stay away. Reality check?
A: Sadly, Congress has yet to allocate research funds for this crucial public health issue. So I dont have an empirical answer.
Might there be a small connection between caring a lot about how you look and wanting to be admired by others? And might there be a connection between the desire for the admiration of others and the likelihood of infidelity? Perhaps. But Im guessing there are about a million other variables. Get to know your guy on a more meaningful level than his daily quotient of hair gel and the size of his closet. And listen to your own gut about who he really is, not some sound bite from your friends.
If youre seeking their advice because youre worried about this issue, explore why that is. But if theyre just chiming in because they dont like his manscaping, remember this relationship is yours alone.
Andrea Bonior is a psychologist and author of The Friendship Fix. www.drandreabonior.com
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