One holiday closer | MomsCharlotte.com

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I am a mother of three, sharing my journey of hope and survival following the loss of our son...

One holiday closer

By Carolina Sonshine on 01/05/14 21:00
Charlotte Observer
  • Last Christmas T GARLOCK

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A while ago I read somewhere that those who refuse to take time off to rest will eventually be forced to make the time to be sick…

 

 

 

Unfortunately, it’s happened to me enough during this time of year that I have to admit I am one of those people…

 

 

 

Evidently I relaxed just enough on Christmas Eve to let a bug or my allergies take control…  I guess I was so relieved at having completed my holiday to-do list that my battered wall of immunity lost a brick and I tumbled down...  For the last eleven days, I’ve been relegated to handling things strictly on an as-needed basis, doing the absolute minimum required to get by until I’m over whatever this is. (Hence, my longer than normal year-end blogging absence…)

 

 

 

That said, I’m glad to have the holidays behind us for another year…

 

 

 

Initially I thought we were managing fine; my inner perfectionist seemed to be well in hand after hosting Thanksgiving for my in-laws.  I felt no similar need to impress my mom or Grace’s boyfriend on Christmas day; even so, I wanted things to be extra festive since they would be with us. 

 

 

 

Although I knew things wouldn’t be as good as they once were, that didn’t stop me from trying to physically do as much as possible to get us close: I decorated, baked, organized and wrapped more than I had in the last five years combined…

 

 

 

All of the accoutrements amounted to a bunch of window-dressing; as usual, there were many moments when I wished to simply push a button and fast-forward to January 15th.

 

 

 

Despite John’s insistence about loving Christmas, the closer we got to the 25th, the more volatile his temperament and behavior became.  The girls made themselves scarce as the weeks and days closed in, choosing to avoid him as much as possible.  I didn’t have that luxury, so I countered his moodiness and meltdowns with stony silence or outright aggression in an effort to restore reasonableness within the walls of our home.

 

 

 

After six holiday seasons without Brian, the struggle to persevere remains an ongoing challenge...  No matter how hard we pretend or strive to convince ourselves this new-world order is okay, deep down, there is no escaping his empty place.

 

 

 

It is the hope of seeing him again and knowing we’re one season closer than before that continues to push us forward, taking it one breath, one step at a time…

 

 

 

Tammy will update her blog twice weekly…

 

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