Next phase... | MomsCharlotte.com

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I am a mother of three, sharing my journey of hope and survival following the loss of our son...

Next phase...

By Carolina Sonshine on 04/21/14 10:40
Charlotte Observer

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The sound of silence…how you crave it when they’re little and in need of a moment’s peace…  Eventually the backdrop of noise becomes your expectation of normal; any lack of chatter and clatter a sure sign they’re up to something, the likes of which probably isn’t good… Days yield to months and years, pulling you forward until one morning you wake up and they’re gone; far sooner than you may reckon, quiet envelopes you once again…

 

 

 

John and I stand poised on the cusp of the next parental phase, a vaguely familiar place where all parents, if they’ve done their job well, are destined to return…

 

 

 

Tonight I sit in my newly claimed office space, known formerly as my youngest daughter’s bedroom, adjacent to the one still considered my son’s, discussing my oldest daughter’s imminent move while sporadic eruptions of laughter from my husband drift across the hall…

 

 

 

I’ve lost count of the number of times I wondered about making it this far…  In my old life, I often dreamed of reaching this state, if for no other reason than a desire to take a bath without interruption.  Silly cat, the kids, John, all or some combination thereof would regularly invade the bathroom, each with a pressing need that only I could fix and it had to be done right then…

 

 

 

After we lost Brian, those urgent intrusions continued, the difference being most of the time, it was for a good reason.  My family was broken and fractured in ways I couldn’t begin to fathom; I was thankful they were willing to barge in to ask for help or to get out whatever hurt they held inside…

 

 

 

Just when I thought we’d figured out our new normal, it changed; very soon, it will be changing again.

 

 

 

I’m a bit concerned about how John and I will handle being full time one on one…  How will we get along when it’s just us, rattling around in this empty place, with only each other for company and entertainment?

 

 

 

In the witching hours when I’m wide awake and all alone, I’m left to consider the adage ‘Be careful what you wish for, lest it come true.’

 

 

 

How mistaken I was.  Not for wanting quiet moments…for wishing away many other moments so I could have them. 

 

 

 

“I think one thing a busy housewife and mother has to learn is to accept interruptions as from the Lord.  And the sooner she learns it, the happier she’ll be.” Ruth Bell Graham, mother of five

 

 

 

Wishing you blessings and hope…tg

 

 

 

Tammy will update her blog weekly…

 

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