A baby not her own: the spark | MomsCharlotte.com

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A baby not her own: the spark

06/18/14 09:50

Written by Stacey Ashe

The thought of carrying and delivering twins is exhausting, but the idea of carrying those twins and handing them over to another family is emotionally and physically overwhelming. But that's what Charlotte mom Stacey Ashe did - 3 times - as she worked as a surrogate. In this 8-part series, Ashe dispels the myths and and shares the truth about being a surrogate and how someone becomes a mom.


Read Part One: a surrogate's tale
Part Two: How much money do you make? And other silly surrogacy questions

Part 3: the spark

What would make someone want to go through the arduous task of psychological evaluations and IVF, followed by 9 months of pregnancy and delivery of twins....all for someone else? Stacey Ashe shares the motivation behind her decision to become a surrogate in part three of our surrogacy series.

Curiosity is piqued when others hear I carried babies for someone else, and one of the first questions I am often asked is, “How did you decide to become a surrogate?” It’s kind of a complicated answer, and the path to surrogacy wasn’t a linear one.

When our oldest son was a baby, we moved up north, and I had trouble finding a job. That’s when I found out having too much spare time alone can be a very bad thing for a girl with the internet. I started researching ways to make some extra money, and found that many women donated their eggs for additional income. I figured that I wasn’t using my eggs at that point, so why not let someone else?

After much research, I still couldn’t quite wrap my head around the thought of someone else carrying a baby that would sort of be mine, and my thoughts wandered ….. what if my son someday fell in love with a girl who was born using my eggs and wanted to get married or something? Mind blown. I just couldn’t do it.

But while researching egg donation, surrogacy results came up a lot as well. I had a pretty easy pregnancy the first time, and I thought it could possibly be an option, but I explored it no further. Then, shortly after deciding that egg donation wasn’t for me, it turned out we used the eggs ourselves - we were pregnant with our second child! That put surrogacy on the back burner so we had plenty of time to think about it. But it was always in my mind.

After my husband got over the notion that I had completely lost my mind, he agreed to look into it, At that point I’m pretty sure that he was still thinking this was something crazy that would never happen. He knows me better now! Once we moved back to Charlotte, I started looking into it more seriously and got in contact with an agency in Boston.

My husband and I both had to undergo extensive psychological testing and lots and lots of interviews before we were accepted (and no, I’m still not sure how I ended up passing those psych evals!). It’s definitely a lengthy and intrusive process to go through, but makes total sense. I probably should have gone through all of this testing before being able to have my own kids.

From there, things started to fall into place.

That’s where it all began…not the path I expected to go down, but I never seem to end up down the path I thought I would - I usually end up somewhere better!

Coming next week: Part four - Finding the right family


stacey headshotStacey Ashe has been a surrogate three times (delivering twins with each pregnancy!) and is the mother of three amazing children of her own - two boys, and one girl. Stacey and her husband recently adopted their daughter from China, id a Registered Nurse, and is studying to be a Nurse Practitioner. She's not your average mom, and likes to stay busy all the time.

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