Part five: Sharing the news |


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Part five: Sharing the news

07/31/14 10:13

Written by Stacey Ashe

The thought of carrying and delivering twins is exhausting, but the idea of carrying those twins and handing them over to another family is emotionally and physically overwhelming. But that's what Charlotte mom Stacey Ashe did - 3 times - as she worked as a surrogate. In this 8-part series, Ashe dispels the myths and and shares the truth about being a surrogate and how someone becomes a mom.

Read Stacey's other blog posts: Part One: a surrogate's tale
Part Two: How much money do you make? And other silly surrogacy questions
Part Three: picking parents
Part four: Family Relations

Part five: Sharing the news

Sharing the news of any pregnancy comes with thoughts of when to tell, who to tell, and how to tell. In that respect, surrogacy is really no different than any other pregnancy. However, the answers to those questions require an extra layer of consideration.

There are rules that mandate what a surrogate can share, such as who the parents are, so that information is not offered up. And what I chose to share totally changed from my first pregnancy to my last.

With my first, I was fairly quiet about things, and didn’t really say anything when people asked about when the baby was due, if I was having a boy or a girl, and things like that. By the last pregnancy, however, I liked to have fun with people. Anyone who knows me won’t be surprised by that!

I can’t even count the number of times I would tell someone, “Yes, I’m actually having twins, but they aren’t mine,” just to see the look on their face as they tried to process that information. I understood by the last time that I was kind of a circus side show, and I figured I might as well have fun with it. My husband got in on it too, telling people that his wife was pregnant with twins, but they weren’t his. Yeah, that gets a pretty good reaction too!

All the fun and jokes aside, one of the harder parts was trying to explain to family and friends before any contract was signed or before any in vitro ever took place WHY I would want to do this. And I still have a hard time putting it into words. Most people didn’t get it, but they were supportive, and for that I am very appreciative. Then trying to explain to people why I was doing it again and again was hard - it just didn’t make sense to other people.

By far, the hardest part in sharing the news was with my final pregnancy, when I carried for an amazing gay couple. We live in the South, and I attend a pretty conservative church. At church, I didn’t tell people who the parents were. I really only told people I was close to for fear that others really wouldn’t support our decision.

But several months after the twins were born, I actually spilled all of it on a personal blog and was amazed at the support that I received. Goes to show that people don’t always act the way you think they will.

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