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Part six: postpartum good-byes

08/19/14 12:52

Written by Stacey Ashe

The thought of carrying and delivering twins is exhausting, but the idea of carrying those twins and handing them over to another family is emotionally and physically overwhelming. But that's what Charlotte mom Stacey Ashe did - 3 times - as she worked as a surrogate. In this 8-part series, Ashe dispels the myths and and shares the truth about being a surrogate and how someone becomes a mom.

Read Part One: a surrogate's tale
Part Two: How much money do you make? And other silly surrogacy questions
Part Three: picking parents

Part four: Family Relations
Part Five: sharing the news


The end of a surrogate pregnancy is probably the strangest part of the entire experience.

It’s when all of the craziness of the past year settle into one place, and even though I always knew it was coming, it was crazy hard to be at the end of the journey each time. Now, that’s not to say that I didn’t want to give the babies to their parents, or I ever thought of sneaking out of the hospital with two bundles under my gown. It’s simply that after going through something so emotional with a family, it was hard to see it end and know that our relationship was never going to be quite the same.

I have been fortunate enough to stay friends with 2 of the couples I was a surrogate for, and I always get excited to see new pictures of the kids. There is something warm and fuzzy in me every time I see how happy they are, how well they are growing up, and how much their families love them. It reminds me of the time that I spent with all of them and how much you can truly touch another person’s life.

But the hardest part of any pregnancy is all of the wild hormones, and it was no different as a surrogate. Any woman who has ever given birth knows that postpartum hormones are unlike any other. If you thought PMS was bad….watch out!

In this situation, it was almost harder. I was so happy to finally see the parents with their babies, but when I would cry people wondered if I was going to lose it because I was giving them away. I would see a commercial on TV that was sappy and would cry the same way. Postpartum hormones are truly a special kind of crazy that you feel only then.

And I will admit that it is a strange feeling walking out of the hospital without any babies to take home. I kind of felt like a little part of me was still in there, and I still feel like I have a little part of my heart with those families.

Surrogacy is an amazing journey to be sure. I can’t imagine anything really comparing to it. At this point, however, I would never do it again, mainly because there is no way would my body allow it (I’ve carried 8 babies altogether!), but it was truly one of the best and most unique experiences of my life.

I always love to share my story so that people know what an amazing gift it can be. Most people who act as surrogates do not end up on a talk show or the news, but those are the stories many people are familiar with.

For me, I honestly look forward to the day when these children grow up into amazing young adults and I can know that I had a tiny little part in who they are. Being a surrogate is nothing compared to being a parent, it’s really the easy part, but it’s still a part, and I’ve had the wonderful privilege to help bring them into the world.

stacey headshotStacey Ashe has been a surrogate three times (delivering twins with each pregnancy!) and is the mother of three amazing children of her own - two boys, and one girl. Stacey and her husband recently adopted their daughter from China, id a Registered Nurse, and is studying to be a Nurse Practitioner. She's not your average mom, and likes to stay busy all the time.

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