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“Crack the whip.”
Gloria Pace King, as reported in an internal review, ordering her financial adviser to speed United Way leadership's approval of her lucrative pension.
“We want Bev Perdue as the next governor of the state of Colorado!”
Democratic National Committee Chairman Howard Dean, losing his place during a campaign stop in Raleigh.
“It's not traditional, that's for sure.”
Clyde Deal, Hickory police captain, describing as “sort of like a tree root” the weapon used to threaten employees in a string of armed robberies.
“People have started to recognize that everybody who's running for political office is as human as those sitting back home.”
York County Councilman Paul Lindemann, observing that revelations about Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin have made voters more accepting of personal foibles such as his third DUI arrest.
“He was going to take it on in the end zone, and I was going to be right there to celebrate.”
Travelle Wharton, 312-pound offensive guard, explaining how he happened to be on hand 40 yards downfield, just in time to retrieve teammate Jonathan Stewart's fumble.
“We'd say, ‘We're Antis-' and ... click.”
Antiseen guitarist Joe Young, looking back on the challenges of landing gigs early on in the N.C. punk band's first 25 years.
“An unyielding preference for vegetation.”
Industry lawyer Betty Waller, taking umbrage at N.C. DOT's insistence on naming owners of billboards where trees have been illegally felled.
“When you go down the road, you either smell like french fries or fish.”
Earl Meyers, mayor of Honea Path, S.C., acknowledging the downside of having converted municipal vehicles to run on used kitchen grease.
“Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.”
Bob McKillop, basketball coach at Davidson, waxing appropriately classical in taking responsibility for overloading star guard Stephen Curry.
“To argue for melancholia as a force for creativity prompts the question, Why isn't this a better book, since the author is so miserable?”
Garrison Keillor, panning “Against Happiness: In Praise of Melancholy” by Wake Forest English professor Eric Wilson.
“Not everyone can say he was hammered by Garrison Keillor in The New York Times Book Review.”
Professor Wilson, finding cause for happiness.
“$85 for two doors … more, if I have to kick my way in.”
Raleigh locksmith Steve Youmans, quoting his prices for changing locks after a foreclosure.
“Lukewarm to luke-cold.”
Executive director Bob Ford, reporting the range of reaction within the N.C. Poultry Federation to Gov. Easley's plan to intensify plant inspections.
“I said we were going to run the ball. I didn't say we were going to run real far.”
Coach Steve Spurrier, considering the 44 carries it took South Carolina to gain 101 yards against Tennessee.
“I mean, Russia invaded Georgia today.”
Next-door neighbor Carol Jenkins, looking askance at the assembled news media following John Edwards' admission of an extramarital affair.
“Hi, I'm John Edwards.”
David Letterman, revealing No. 1 on his Top 10 list of Democratic National Convention Pickup Lines.
“‘Well, we see it up here, but we don't get it.'”
Jerry Hancock, host of “Final Edition” on WTVI, recalling a Hickory viewer's response to whether “they got the show up there.”
“I don't know how much more clearer we can be.”
CMS board member Vilma Leake, balking at Peter Gorman's request for more further direction on magnets.
“Unless this management vanishes from the face of the banking earth.”
“ Mad Money” host Jim Cramer, specifying (in May) his requirement for ever again recommending Wachovia stock.
“Would you sign up for that class right now?”
UNCC professor Tony Plath, professing no surprise that only three students had signed up for his spring semester class on commercial bank management.
“Carne asada is not a crime!”
Sign at City Council meeting, framing the debate on taco cart restrictions.
“I always intended to leave a portion of my estate to … North Carolina's public educational system. And while this payment comes a bit premature…”
Former N.C. House Speaker Jim Black, waxing bittersweet over his payment on a $1million fine earmarked for Wake County schools.
“This is going to sound crass, but I'm the only one I ever hear not flushing the toilet.”
Diane Catotti, Durham city councilwoman, lamenting the water wasted in public restrooms.
“Barack Obama was doing something in the neighborhood; I won't say what he was doing, but he said it in his book.”
Bob Johnson, Hillary Clinton supporter, demonstrating that his leaden touch isn't limited to basketball.
“Who wants on their tombstone, ‘I was one of the 10 percent?'”
Retired Charlotte dispatcher Charles Moore, advocating an overhaul of a 911 center that handles efficiently about 90 percent of calls.
“Al Capone paid taxes.”
Bill James, suggesting that illegal immigrants, however taxed, rank no higher than prostitutes, drug dealers or mobsters.
“Just a chunky white kid.”
Fired CMS driver Shaniece Merchant, remembering her impression of radio stuntman Jase “Cubby” Squires – 26 years old, 5 feet 7, 293 pounds – when he boarded her bus bound for Southwest Middle School.
“Nothing to go start making T-shirts about.”
Receiver Steve Smith, shrugging off the Panthers' defeat of the Green Bay Packers at Lambeau Field.
“This lady makes Rocky Balboa look like a pansy.”
N.C. Gov. Mike Easley, straining for a simile to praise Hillary Clinton's resilience.
“It represents a contrast between the normal mundane world and the world of my dreams.”
Jonathan Trappe, 35-year-old technical projects manager in Raleigh, explaining why he chose his office chair as the gondola for a four-hour flight by a cluster of helium balloons.
“She hasn't had an abortion.” Carol Fowler, chairwoman of the S.C. Democratic Party, speculating on Sarah Palin's “primary qualification” as a vice presidential candidate.
“It's been an interesting 24 hours here at WBT, Colossus of the South.”
General manager Rick Jackson, following the firing of Jeff Katz.
“This ain't about justice, this is about money.”
Darwin Bisping, 32, Asheville pizza delivery driver, responding to the $88,866 state tax bill he and a housemate faced for possession of an unauthorized substance: 114 marijuana plants.
“We're going to let you pick us clean, like a seagull picking a fish's bones.”
S.C. Sen. John Hawkins, futilely filibustering against allowing unchecked payday lending in South Carolina.
“I've been swacked. If you guys don't know what that is, that's swagger-jacked, and I can't believe that happened to me, man. Somebody would mess with my whole swag, and that's not cool.”
Tennessee Titans running back LenDale White, accusing the Panthers of appropriating the “Smash & Dash” moniker he coined.
